Grateful

I’ve been thinking about life a lot lately. How things in life during your adult years are not really what you thought they would be when you were a child.

I thought that when I grew up I would be totally autonomous. Able to do what I want, when I want, and not be encumbered by the craziness and the rules of life.

But that isn’t how it is. In fact I think there are even more rules! I can’t just do what I’d like, when I want. I cannot eat what I want any more ether. Post menopause finds me looking at food and gaining weight.

I work at following Weight Watchers and I am losing, but the loss is slow and when I see myself in pictures I still feel fat.

In my youth I enjoyed riding my bike and running wild around Falmouth, Massachusetts where I grew up.

And I never worried about being kidnapped or anything. Life was simple. I was in marvelous shape, and had a great tan.

Well now at 55, the tan part has come back to haunt me, but the 12 year old child didn’t know that.

Yes, if I could go back in time, I would tell that child about skin cancer and maybe avoid all that I have lived through in the future.

In youth the biggest heart break is perhaps losing a beloved pet, or moving away. Although I know of many people who have lost parents and siblings. And surely that is earth shattering for a child.

My biggest heart breaks came in my twenties, and I think, although I will never totally recover, I have managed to go on.

Yes, life is not what I expected, but then the blessings of my daughter, Mandy and granddaughter Savannah, leaves me forever grateful to God.