We had gone to Rose Farm to pick apples and press cider, back in the summer of 1984. My sister and her family were with us. Before any of us knew it, Katie had climbed way up in the apple tree and we quickly took a picture.
In later years I came to live at Rose Farm. By then I was divorced from my former husband, and had married Hubby, who was the owner of the farm. I loved it there. Acre upon acre of beautiful apple trees.
It’s been 31 years since the car accident that took my youngest daughter’s life. (You can read about the accident here.)
Kathleen Alynne
Katie would be all grown up now, 37 years old! Even after all this time, the shock and pain of her loss is palpable. And really, there is no way to explain it. Somehow Mandy, Bob and I, have managed to go on, and yet for the rest of our lives, there will always be a spot, a bright star, in our lives, that is missing.
We never got to see her grow up, fall in love, graduate from school, or hold her baby in her arms. She was robbed, and so were we.
This year, the thirty-first anniversary of her passing, finds me missing her, but also very grateful for those six and a half wonderful years that we all shared with her.
I choose to live in the present now. I allow myself two days a year (the anniversary of the accident and Katie’s birthday) to remember, to grieve and to wallow a bit, but it is hard.
She had the most beautiful red curls and dancing green eyes and a little voice that made one think of Leprechauns. She wasn’t perfect, but she was special and sweet and she was my daughter.
The accident forever changed me, but from the ashes of my previous life, like a Phoenix, I have risen to make a good, happy life in the present.
But I just never forget that time, those events…
…or that wonderful little girl.
In Memory of Katie from Dackel Princess Maribeth on Vimeo.
I think when you lose a child, as we lost Katie, birthdays can be somewhat melancholy. I remember the day she was born as being one of the happiest days in my life. And each year, I think on that day and smile. But Katie is gone. She’s been gone for thirty years. The last birthday we celebrated together was her 6th birthday. I will never forget that day, and even after all these years, I miss her in a way that only another parent who has lost their child can understand. You go on. You live your life, but the sadness is always there.
Happy Birthday, my darling daughter, Kathleen. I love you still and you are forever in my heart!
Since we are in the midst of Apple Season, I thought I would put up this picture of Katie, way back when we picked apples at Rose Farm. She was such a little monkey, and up the tree she went! I’ve always loved this picture.
It’s been 30 years since the car accident that took my youngest daughter’s life. (You can read about the accident HERE. )
Kathleen Alynne
Katie would be all grown up now, 36 years old! Even after all this time, the shock and pain of her loss is unbelievable. And really, there is no way to explain it. Somehow Mandy, Bob and I, managed to go on, and yet for the rest of our lives, there will always be a spot, a bright star, in our lives, that is missing.
We never got to see her grow up, fall in love, graduate from school, or hold her baby in her arms. She was robbed, and so were we.
This year, the thirtieth anniversary of her passing, I will try to be happy. Happy for those six and a half wonderful years that we all shared with her. After all, she was really an amazing and greatly loved little girl!
In Memory of Katie from Dackel Princess Maribeth on Vimeo.
In Memory of Katie from Dackel Princess Maribeth on Vimeo.
“Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”
Looking back over the years, I remember 29 years ago, (which was June 13) being happy that June 13 wasn’t on a Friday. It mattered not. June 13th turned into the worst day of my life. It was the day of my car accident.
In 1985 I was married to my ex-husband, Bob, and we had just finished building a small house in southern New Hampshire. We did everything in it from the design, framing, insulation, wall boarding, painting, etc. It was quite an accomplishment.
We had two daughters, Amanda age 8 and Katie age 6. Katie had just graduated from Kindergarten at the end of May, so she was already out of school, while Amanda was still in classes for another few days.
We had planned a huge house warming party to show off our new home to family and friends for the 15th of June. The weather was good and so we thought it was all coming together.
On the 13th of June, the electric company came and did the final hook up for our water heater! Finally hot water. The workman suggested I wait for an hour or so before using the hot water. Great, I thought, I’ll go out and do errands while I wait for my first hot bath in our new home.
Katie, Me and Sheba
Katie and I dressed in our work clothes, got our 4 month old puppy Sheba, and climbed into my 1979 Ford Fiesta car. It was a beautiful, warm sunny June day, with such a bright blue sky and not one cloud. We stopped at the bank, and we stopped at the hot tub shop to make the final arrangements for the delivery of our new tub. I was happy and I felt carefree.
Katie and I climbed into the car and headed to another store to get her and her sister new bathing suits. Both the girls had grown over the winter and their swim suits no longer fit them.
As I started the car, I looked over at Katie and smiled. She had buckled her seat belt and locked her door. Just as I was getting ready to move the car she looked at me and said, “Mom, put your seat belt on too.” Little minx! So I dutifully put mine on and off we went.
As we drove we listened to the radio and we talked. Out of the blue, Katie said, “I love you so much Mommy!” and I replied, “I love you too, Katie!”
Less than a mile from our intended destination, the traffic light turned red. I shifted out of gear and slowly came to a stop.
That is all I remember.
Behind me, an impaired (stoned) man was driving a 5 ton boxed van truck loaded with windows. He never put on his brakes, apparently never saw us or the red light and literally drove over the top of my car, crushing Katie and I in it. Sheba, who was in the back seat, had jumped free of the car when the windows imploded. My car, with the truck on top of it, was pushed over 190 feet across a four lane road before hitting a curb and stopping.
A crane operator, who was working less than a 1/2 a mile away, saw the accident and knew that the only way to get the truck off the little car was for him to get his crane over to us. He immediately started over.
At the next stop light, was an off duty ambulance with 2 paramedics. They witnessed the accident and immediately called it in, while turning on their lights and rushing to the scene.
The police arrive almost immediately and the fight started to free Kate and me from the car.
The paramedics got oxygen on me. I was still unconscious, and unresponsive to them. They could not reach Katie, but they could see her shoes.
Someone grabbed the dog and after checking her tags, brought her to our Vet. I never knew who did this, but I was always grateful.
Thirty minutes after the accident the crane lifted the truck off the car. The fire fighters used the jaws of life and peeled back the roof of the car.
This is when I woke up. It was very confusing. I remember looking up and seeing the large tire of a truck hanging over my head. I remember the kindness of the paramedic as he was stabilizing my neck and back. But it was all quite surreal.
While they stabilized me in the car, the other paramedic had gotten Katie out. She was gone. He struggled, using all his talents to revive this beautiful little child. I did not see her there. They got her breathing again, and she was taken to the hospital.
I was removed from the car and loaded into the second ambulance and I only vaguely remember this. The paramedic was named Dave, and I recall him apologizing before he cut away my clothes. I didn’t care. I just wanted to know if Katie was okay.
I’d been asking that since I came to and no one would tell me anything other than she was on her way to the hospital.
I remember being in the Emergency Room and having a CAT Scan, and not being aware of anything but my longing to be with Katie and the nurses and doctors telling me that I had to stay put.
Katie’s Pediatrician came in. Don’t ask me how long a time I was there waiting. He said that they were doing all sorts of scans on her, but that they’d had to intubate her and put her on a respirator. He said it did not look good, but that she was young and healthy.
No one could find my ex-husband at first so they called a friend of mine who seemed to instantly appear.
All during this, my sense of time was gone. Hours seemed like seconds and then time would just stand still.
My friend, Fern, had also been Katie’s Kindergarten teacher. Katie loved her. I told Fern to go and talk to Katie and tell her to wake up. More than anything, I wanted Katie to just open her eyes.
My ex-husband arrived, stayed with me for a moment and then he went off to see Katie. I have never seen a man more destroyed than he was when he returned to see me again.
We were both taken to Intensive Care that first night, while they evaluated our tests. They knew I had sustained a head injury, but at that time they did not know how severe. Katie was still in a coma and was unresponsive.
My sister and brother in-law arrived and stayed the night keeping a vigil at my bedside and Kate’s. During the night I was allowed to see her, and they took me in by wheel chair. I recall nothing but seeing her small body in the bed with the machine breathing for her. I held her hand and I told her how much I loved her and that she should come back to us.
This was something she never did.
She was flown to Boston to Tufts New England Medical Center, in the hopes they could perform a miracle for her. But none came. I signed myself out of the hospital in New Hampshire, with a body that quite literally ached from the brutality of the accident, and headed to Tufts. I spent day and night there with her and even managed to give her one last sponge bath. Then I sat holding her for hours in my lap. On the 19th of June, Katie passed away. She was 6 1/2 years old.
It’s so easy to take our loved ones for granted. We just assume that they know how we feel and that they will always be around. Don’t miss the opportunity to tell and show the people you love how you feel. No regrets, no missed chances.
35 years ago I gave birth to Mandy’s younger sister, Katie. She was a joy for us all, but tragically, she passed from this life into the next when she was six and a half years old.
I miss her every day of my life. I think the hardest thing is the fact that so many new people have come into our world, who will never know Katie, or the great girl she was.
So Happy Birthday, my darling girl! I hope they have delicious cakes in Heaven!
November 8, 1978 – June 19, 1985
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
To bring you home again.
No farewell’s were spoken,
No time for goodbye,
You were gone before I knew it,
And only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness,
And secret tears will flow,
What is meant to me to lose you,
No one will ever know.
Author Unknown
You can read all about Katie and what happened to her HERE. Today would have been her 34th birthday. It doesn’t matter how long it has been. You never forget, and the pain never really does go away.
Happy Birthday to my sweet Angel in Heaven!
