Angel Feet



Shubi and Me 2004




After I returned from my trip to Concord on Tuesday I had to carry up about 12 bags of groceries and supplies. I put Fritz and Greta outside with their toy balls and then began the slow process. Our garage is under our house so, I would grab as much as I could and then carry it up 14 steps into the kitchen, back down, pick up what I could, etc.. At one point I stopped to grab my empty coffee mug out of the front seat, and I heard something. I stopped and listened and I could have sworn that I heard Shubi’s little feet pitter pattering across the floor above me. I stopped and smiled and thought about my girl and how she used to greet me each time I came home. How many times over the years I listened for those happy feet, and how very happy she made me.

Just One Of Those Days

I was running about town doing errands on Monday. Usually I see one or two people that I know, but mostly I go around incognito.
As I got to the Post Office I saw our mechanic, Pete. I told him about Hubby and he asked about the real celebrity in the family, Shubi.
You see, Shubi was well know in these parts for being the dog that survived the odds. So each month, and year she defied the odds, there were a lot of people in the village that rejoiced.
I told Pete about Shubi’s passing. He was sad, as he thought she was a sweet girl.
Then I went in and ran into another woman I know from town, from my doctor’s office. She asked about Hubby and then asked about Shubi. I recounted Shubi’s last days and thanked her for her kind words.
Then I stopped at a shop in town looking for something and a woman who sold me my table at Christmas stopped me and asked after Shubi. No kidding. I started to feel a bit overwhelmed.
When I got done speaking with her I needed to ask a question of the shops owner and she asked how all my babies were doing. She, too, is a big dog lover. I told her about Shubi and the next thing I knew I was crying. I’ve known this woman for 5 years now, so I didn’t feel too bad about crying in her presence, and fortunately the shop was nearly empty. It was just so hard to be talking about it over and over again. She was so kind and put her arms around me.
I drove home with hot, red, swollen eyes, still moist with tears, but I didn’t allow myself to dwell in the depths for too long. I patted Fritz and Greta and continued my day.
I’ll never forget her, but I know Shubi would want me to go on with life, the same way she never gave up, even during her most challenging days.

Another Day Dawns

The sun rose and another day began, life goes on.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? When you feel so much grief, and so much sadness and you wonder how you will go on with out your best friend, another day dawns and time passes.
I lay in bed last night and didn’t sleep too much. I was thinking of the tremendous fight Shubi fought with her illnesses. She never gave up. In her short life, there were so many little miracles, and I thought, I hoped, she would find just one more.
The bed felt big and empty. Greta got in and immediately she began searching for Shubi. She sniffed and sniffed and sniffed all the places Shubi usually slept. She pawed at them, before coming back over to me and settling in between my knees.
It’s somehow shocking how big a hole such a small dog can leave.

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FOUR FEET

I have done mostly what men do,
And pushed it out of my mind;
But I can’t forget, if I wanted to,
Four-Feet trotting behind.

Day after day, the whole day through–
Wherever my road inclined–
Four-Feet said, ‘I am coming with you!’
And trotted along behind.

Now I must go by some other round–
Which I shall never find–
Some where that does not carry the sound
Of Four-Feet trotting behind.

— Rudyard Kipling —

My Girl

Shubi

December 1, 1995-February 18, 2006

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Where do you find the words to say
all that you feel inside?
my friend, my girl has left me
and that I can’t abide

her furry face and big brown eyes
and love filled heart and soul
the magic that was in her
I will carry ’til I’m old

She touched our lives in many ways
teaching us to love and soar
she gave to us all that she had to give
never asking for any more

but now my girl has left me
and I’m crying all alone
she’s gone to better places
but I shall miss her so

A Nice Day

Yesterday we decided to take the pups for a nice ride. More than almost anything in the world, Shubi loves to go for rides in the car. So, after we gave her the subcutaneous fluids, we packed up the car and headed out to see our friend Jon. He recently bought a new home and he was anxious for us to see it.
We rode along with Greta on one knee and Shubi cuddled up on my other. She used to sit up and watch the world go by. Yesterday, she just wanted to cuddle and sleep.
We arrived at our friends home and the girls came in and checked out the house. Shubi was quite animated, especially when she found a deer skin!! Suddenly she remembered that she was a dachshund, a hunter and she barked quite a bit at it!
After that she just wanted to be held, and that was just fine with me. Several hours holding my girl was just what I needed.

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We stopped at the grocery store so I could pick up some baby food meats for her to eat. She would have none of that, but when we got home and I cut up some cooked steak into tiny little pieces, she ate that up with delight. I wasn’t feeling too good about it all though. She’s eaten in the past and then vomited all night. However, last night, I brought her in to bed with her little blanket, and she slept all night long! No vomiting at all!!!
I’m not kidding myself. I know how sick she is and how everything could change in a heartbeat, but for last night and today, she is doing okay. That makes me happy.
Now if this could last just a little longer, I would be a very happy lady.

Shubi

***Update***
I had Shubi in to the Vet’s and they repeated her blood work. The uremia is a bit better, showing that giving her the subcutaneous fluids is helping, but her liver is showing signs of stress and she is also becoming anemic. So the news is good and bad.
I had a heart to heart with both of the Vets about Shubi’s condition. Jack and I have talked and we need to decide what to do next.

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Here I sit. It’s 12:45 AM and Shubi has been vomiting for about 45 minutes. We were in bed when it started so I’ve already changed my sheets, but the blanket is totaled for tonight.
I’m sitting here because she doesn’t seem ready to sleep yet. She is sitting in her bed with her head up just staring into space.
I’ll have to call the Vet first thing in the morning. I can’t imagine that all this vomiting is a good thing.
It makes me so sad. I keep trying to make it better for her and yet I feel like I am failing.

Being A Doggie Nurse

I can add a new item to my resume. I’m now a full fledged needle wielding doggie nurse to Shubi! I set up Shubi’s fluid bag on the door of our bedroom. Hubby sat in his chair and held Shubi in his lap. I took a deep breath and I placed the needle under Shubi’s skin and gave her 250 cc’s of fluid. At one point the fluid stopped running and I had to take the needle out and put it in another spot. But I did it and she got all her fluid. It didn’t seem to bother her at all.
I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I would chicken out, but when I thought of my girl and what she needed I just pulled myself together and did it!
She slept for a while and I thought that perhaps my tender ministrations hadn’t done anything. But at dinner time tonight she perked up and ate some dog food, and then actually ate some of Hubby’s very lean pork. Now she is happily asleep again on the sofa curled up with Greta.
I’ll need to do this again tomorrow, as the Vet wants her to have this every day now. I know I can do it, and I also know that it really helped my girl. I hope next time will be a bit easier (for me).

Shubi…

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Friday was a strange day. Most of the morning I spent at the Vets Office with Shubi. She went in for blood work and because she is still not doing well, they taught me how to give her subcutaneous fluids. She will need me to give this to her daily now.
Yes, her kidneys are failing, and she doesn’t want to eat much. Yet, she runs and plays with the other dogs, and follows me from room to room. I don’t think she is ready to leave us yet. I’ve been trying to ask myself, how I will know when it is time? And then I hear a voice on the wind that says, “you will just know”.
So I have to have faith that I can care for her and give her all that she needs until her time here on earth is up. Still it breaks my heart knowing that my dearest friend will soon leave me.
I’m not ready for that! The truth is, I’ll never really be ready for that, will I?

This and That

It was a banner day in our house! I had gotten a coupon in the mail from “Jockey” for $20.00! Now Hubby is not one to scoff at a twenty dollar bill, so off we went to the local “Jockey Outlet”. I had a good idea what I wanted. Yes, what most girls want and almost always need. New underwear! I looked around, found the best sale ones I could find, that just happened to be covered with a pink rose pattern, two ladies T-shirts, and Hubby got his tall mans v-neck T-shirts. The total price of this was $5.25 after we used the coupon! Not too bad.
I needed to get canned dog food and a few other items at Wal-mart, and after assembling my order I saw the 20 items or less isle and headed for that. I was putting my items up on the counter when this man behind me began talking loudly about this being a 20 item or less isle and how “some people don’t follow the rules”! I ticked the items off in my head again and saw I had exactly 20 items! So I turned and smiled at this mathematical midget and finished my order!
We stopped and got gas at $2.22 a gallon at BJ’s Warehouse. Not bad as everywhere else seemed to be $2.33 or more.
Shubi is eating pretty well. I’m still giving her chicken and rice, but I also cooked an egg and she ate that right up. Still, she does not want any dry food or her dog cookies, and she mostly lies around sleeping.

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I still have a fever. But it is only 99.6 (f). I feel pretty lousy but as I have no plans for today I will just hang out.
As I mentioned yesterday I’ve been following my laptop from China. I saw on the FedEx tracker that it is on it’s way to New Hampshire, and supposed to be delivered later today! Once it arrives I’ll be busy getting it all set up. What fun!!

Shubi is Home

Well, our girl is home. Shubi started to eat for our Vet late Saturday night and then ate a little more on Sunday morning. So he felt she could come home. I boiled chicken and made plain white rice and this will be what she eats for the next few days.
She does seem hungry, which is a very good thing, but we know with kidney failure that can all change quite rapidly. We choose to hold good thoughts that Shubi will continue to eat and at least stabilize.
So, she is doing okay, and my big plan for this Super Bowl Sunday is to sit and cuddle with my girl and enjoy her!