33 years ago today, I gave birth to my second daughter, Kathleen Alynne. She weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. She came into this world with red curls and green eyes and left us six and a half years later, with the same bright red curls and flashing green eyes.
I still cannot believe that she is gone from us. She was a sweet, kind, gentle little girl, who never had the chance to grow up.
So bear with me today, as I remember and shed a few tears, for the little girl, I lost, far too early in her life.
Growing up, while many of my friends were planning futures where they would become, doctors, lawyers, nurses, models, pop stars or whatever, I planned my life for one thing. I wanted, more than anything to have children. I loved children, and although for a while I was told that I might never have them (endometriosis) I proved the doctors wrong and gave birth to my first daughter 1 year and 1 day after I married her father.
Twenty-three months later, her sister, Katie was born, and I was officially the Mommy of two beautiful girls! I was happier than ever, and I love my girls like nothing I can ever describe. It’s truly awe inspiring. I look at Mandy and all I can see is the beauty in her face, her heart, her mind and her soul!
I miss my Katie. I guess I will never really recover from her loss, so early in her life, but, I look back at the times when we were all together and life was good, and I smile.
Here is a very short video montage of me and my girls.
32 years ago today, I gave birth to my second daughter, Kathleen Alynne. She weighed 8 pounds and 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. She came into this world with red curls and green eyes and left us six and a half years later, with the same bright red curls and flashing green eyes.
I miss her more each year. I still cannot believe that she is gone from us. She was a sweet, kind, gentle little girl, who never had the chance to grow up.
So bear with me today, as I remember and shed a few tears, for the sweet daughter, I lost, far too early in her life.
Today it has been 25 years since my car accident. 25 years since my daughter Katie passed from this world. Yet, in so many ways it is like she was just with me yesterday.
It’s an odd feeling, you know. To have someone you love so very much taken from you so early in their life. It is a difficult thing. For many years I fought with myself because, despite the fact that Katie had passed, I had somehow managed to go on.
Many people said that they would never be able to live if they lost their child. That statement simply cut me to the bone in the early days. I truly wondered if I had done something wrong in having survived at all.
I struggled and wept. I isolated myself and truly was tortured by the horror of that day. I prayed for a miracle. I begged for a miracle and none came.
Or maybe it did. You see. Eventually I began to allow my faith to comfort me. When I was able to do that, I was able to let go and leave Katie to rest in peace.
Katie was a wonderful little girl. She had a mostly cheery disposition, loved her mother, father, sister and life. She was kind, and gentle and thoughtful in ways one doesn’t expect a six year old to be.
She had a great sense of humor, a good imagination, and not too much got her down.
Yes, it has been twenty-five years since my little girl left me and today I am grieving. I did not get to watch her grow up. I didn’t get to see her go on her first date, to her prom, or graduate from High School. There will be no college, or wedding, and I will never hold her baby in my arms.
However, I have said it before and I will believe it until the day that I go to meet the good Lord above, Love Never Dies!
So rest in peace my dearest daughter. One day we will be reunited and the time we will share will be endless.
Many of you know that besides Mandy, I had another daughter, Katie, who was killed at the age of 6 1/2 by an impaired driver. Most days I get along very well, however there are certain days that I find myself missing her and longing for her. Today is one of those days.
Today Katie would have celebrated her 31st birthday.
Kathleen Alynne was born at 5:29 AM on November 8th 1978. She was two weeks late and I had begun to feel as if I were part elephant. In the delivery room I remember asking the nurse to clean off her hair because the blood made it look red. She laughed at me (She also had red hair) and told me that this was it! My child was a redhead!
Katie was a neat kid and we all loved her. She had a wicked sense of humor, yet was also sensitive and empathetic, which was strange in one so young.
Her loss is bothering me a bit more this year probably due to the fact that I have been feeling angry that we were robbed of so much of her life.
Here is a montage of some of the pictures that I like the best. She was a real joker in front of the camera, almost always had a smile on her little face.
I know one day Katie and I will be together again, and that we will share an eternity, but for today I miss her something fierce!
On Friday my blog friend Rude Cactus asked a question on his blog.
“The Weekly Hypothetical. You can go backward or forward in time – or just stay put in the present day – with a notebook and a pen to interview anyone for one hour. Who do you interview and what questions do you ask?”
I answered, ” I would go back to 1985 and I would interview my daughter Katie. I would ask her about what she thought about life, happiness and love. I know it wouldn’t be profound for anyone else but me, but oh those moments would mean so much!”
Posted by Maribeth at February 6, 2009 1:27 PM”
I found out today that I had won a bouquet of the flowers of my choice. So I went over and selected this rose plant. We used to call Katie, Rose-bud as a nickname, so it seemed appropriate.
Plus I figured that the plant would live for a long while reminding me of Katie and of my friend.
So, thank you Chris, for this. It means more to me than you can imagine. By saying what you did and by supporting me over the years, you help to honor my daughter.
It’s a tough day today for me. Today my youngest daughter, Katie would have been 30 years old. As you know from a past post , the story of how Katie died,
Katie is no longer with me and I can’t even begin to explain it to you, these feelings of loss and sadness. I don’t allow myself to get caught up in that too often, but on big days, like today, her 30th birthday, I feel so angry, so sad and so totally ripped off at not having had her these last 23 and a half years.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left behind.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or you can be full of the love you’ve shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
Be empty and turn your back on the world.
Or you can do what she would want-smile,
open your eyes, love and go on.
–Anonymous
I’m thinking that no matter how lonely I am for her, how sad or angry I feel, that Katie would want me to go forward, to smile, to love, to laugh and most of all to live and be happy!
23 years ago today I was involved in a terrible car accident. I have written about it here. It’s a time of my life that I no longer dwell on (not too much anyway) but it is always with me. The accident claimed the life of my 6 1/2 year old daughter, Katie.
As I put together this montage of her pictures, I noted with great sadness that there are no more new pictures of Katie. Amanda and I have grown and changed over the last 23 years. Life has gone on for us, but sadly, not for her.
I live in the present now. I allow myself two days a year (the anniversary of the accident and the day of Katie’s birthday) to remember, to grieve and to wallow just a bit, but it is hard.
She had the most beautiful red curls and dancing green eyes and a little voice that made one think of Leprechauns. She wasn’t perfect, but she was special and sweet and she was my daughter.
The accident forever changed me, and Amanda, but from the ashes of our previous lives, like a Phoenix, we have risen to make a good, happy life in the present.
But you just never forget that time, those events…
Today would have been my youngest daughter, Katie’s 29th birthday. She has been gone from us for 22 1/2 years, but it still feels like yesterday. I chose to celebrate this day because it was one of the happiest days of my life.
No, you never do get over losing your child, but somehow you go on. And I know more than anything that this is what she would want for Mandy and me.
