Flowers

On Friday my blog friend Rude Cactus asked a question on his blog.

The Weekly Hypothetical. You can go backward or forward in time – or just stay put in the present day – with a notebook and a pen to interview anyone for one hour. Who do you interview and what questions do you ask?”

I answered, ” I would go back to 1985 and I would interview my daughter Katie. I would ask her about what she thought about life, happiness and love. I know it wouldn’t be profound for anyone else but me, but oh those moments would mean so much!”

Posted by Maribeth at February 6, 2009 1:27 PM”

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I found out today that I had won a bouquet of the flowers of my choice. So I went over and selected this rose plant. We used to call Katie, Rose-bud as a nickname, so it seemed appropriate.

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Plus I figured that the plant would live for a long while reminding me of Katie and of my friend.

So, thank you Chris, for this. It means more to me than you can imagine. By saying what you did and by supporting me over the years, you help to honor my daughter.

Thanks!!!

Thirty Years Ago….

It’s a tough day today for me. Today my youngest daughter, Katie would have been 30 years old. As you know from a past post , the story of how Katie died,
Katie is no longer with me and I can’t even begin to explain it to you, these feelings of loss and sadness. I don’t allow myself to get caught up in that too often, but on big days, like today, her 30th birthday, I feel so angry, so sad and so totally ripped off at not having had her these last 23 and a half years.

You can shed tears that she is gone,
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left behind.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or you can be full of the love you’ve shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
Be empty and turn your back on the world.
Or you can do what she would want-smile,
open your eyes, love and go on.
–Anonymous

I’m thinking that no matter how lonely I am for her, how sad or angry I feel, that Katie would want me to go forward, to smile, to love, to laugh and most of all to live and be happy!

Remembrance

23 years ago today I was involved in a terrible car accident. I have written about it here. It’s a time of my life that I no longer dwell on (not too much anyway) but it is always with me. The accident claimed the life of my 6 1/2 year old daughter, Katie.

As I put together this montage of her pictures, I noted with great sadness that there are no more new pictures of Katie. Amanda and I have grown and changed over the last 23 years. Life has gone on for us, but sadly, not for her.

I live in the present now. I allow myself two days a year (the anniversary of the accident and the day of Katie’s birthday) to remember, to grieve and to wallow just a bit, but it is hard.

She had the most beautiful red curls and dancing green eyes and a little voice that made one think of Leprechauns. She wasn’t perfect, but she was special and sweet and she was my daughter.

The accident forever changed me, and Amanda, but from the ashes of our previous lives, like a Phoenix, we have risen to make a good, happy life in the present.

But you just never forget that time, those events…

or that beautiful little girl!

Kathleen Alynne

Kathleen Alynne 11/8/78 – 6/19/85

Today would have been my youngest daughter, Katie’s 29th birthday. She has been gone from us for 22 1/2 years, but it still feels like yesterday. I chose to celebrate this day because it was one of the happiest days of my life.

No, you never do get over losing your child, but somehow you go on. And I know more than anything that this is what she would want for Mandy and me.

Happy Birthday, Katie!

Photographs and memories
Christmas cards you sent to me
All that I have are these
To remember you

Memories that come at night
Take me to another time
Back to a happier day
When I called you mine

Photographs and memories
All the love you gave to me
Somehow it just cant be true
Thats all I’ve left of you