Category: My Life

OK, so after losing all the weight I wanted to back in 2008-2009, I have now slowly but surely gained it all back.

There I have said it. Not that you didn’t all notice, but I’m like the person who passes by a mirror 20 times a day and never looks at their reflection.

I was the Queen of Denial!

Then I had a moment when I could no longer lie to myself. I simply had to face what I’d done to myself. That was on Mother’s Day morning when none of my shorts and summer clothes fit.

I thought about it and then for whatever reason, I was looking back at blog entries and I reread back in 2008 when I first joined Weight Watchers. It was their old program and I was able to eat smaller portions and lose 2-3 pounds each week.

I still had all my books, and the magical Points Finder Slide. I have all I need to step back in time and do the old program.

I’m thinking I need a little reigning in. Weighing, measuring, and making better choices. The old plan accounts for the fact that there are certain vegetables that need to be counted, and also lets you know, you cannot eat unlimited fruits. Each fruit has a point!

So, I’ve decided to give myself a good month on the old plan. Hubby is all for this and he has told me he will be supportive.

I so hope by my birthday in November, I will be either back to or close to my goal weight.

Wish me luck!

I think the thing I am learning, as I go through the process of getting a firm diagnosis on my health is, it isn’t easy, and it will take a bit more time, and lots of patience.

I returned yesterday to get the results from all the blood work I had done three weeks ago. Some of the results were good. Some were bad. At least I’m not dying, right? However, there was still a giant question mark. What exactly is wrong?

We have an idea. It is more than likely an Autoimmune Disease, we are just not sure which one. I’m scheduled for a CAT Scan in a couple of weeks, and then, hopefully, we will know what we are dealing with, or have a better idea.

Some of you know that I have been fighting ill health for sometime. At first it was high fevers, congestion, exhaustion. However for the last six plus months, my joints have become swollen and painful and the exhaustion continues.

I finally have a doctor who is Board Certified in both Rheumatology and Internal Medicine. After our initial meeting he promised he wouldn’t give up on me, and in the end we will find out what it is and get me  on some sort of therapy to feel good again.

Keep your fingers crossed that they can discover what is wrong, and get me feeling back to normal. (Or as close to normal as is possible.)

Today I go to Dartmouth Hitchcock Hospital and will be getting the results from all the blood work I had. I am a bit nervous, but hopeful at the same time.

I have so much that I am thankful for, and each day I pray that whatever is wrong with me, won’t be too bad, and will be treatable.

I’ll be writing about it all tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer.

Did you ever have one of those days moments, when for whatever reason something goes wrong with what you are cooking.

Usually I am pretty good and it has been a long time since I totally screwed up a meal. I remember a long time ago (first marriage) when I attempted to make a tuna fish roll for dinner. As I started the roll, it all fell apart, and there was no salvaging the mess. I sat down and wept, until first husband came home and told me all was well, and we went out for dinner. I seem to recall that pancakes were involved, but at that moment, no one cared, as long as they weren’t forced to eat that tuna fish disaster!

Well, last night, I was making baked chicken for Hubby, some fish for me, and baked fries and onion rings. I had the timer going and the chicken and fish did well, but when I went to take the fries and onion rings from the oven…they were burnt to a crisp!

Not wanting to admit to this disaster (after all it was my fault), I quickly dumped the crispy mess down the disposal and quickly made a fresh batch. Dinner was just delayed by 10 minutes.

Anyway, it’s funny when something like that happens because in the grand scheme of things you realize that one meal in thousands, really isn’t too bad.

Two years ago, I was in the middle of having my face rearranged due to cancer. They had operated on me a month before, and left me looking like this, while the skin graft took.

The biggest problem was, that the doctor basically maimed me, when he didn’t have to, and his idea of reconstruction would have left me looking like this, for a very long time.

OK, that is when depression set in, and I stopped going out, started eating (chocolate) to sooth my depression (trust me, that never works) and felt as though I would be hideous for the rest of my life.

After a couple of months, a friend gave me the name of her doctor in Boston, and I went down to meet him, and get a second opinion.

Dr. P. told me he couldn’t make my nose look the same, but he could definitely improve what the other doctor had left me with.

So, starting in July, I had my first surgery with him. After the first surgery with Dr. P. I could already see the improvement.

After that, we waited a few weeks for healing, then more surgery and the improvement  was remarkable.

Dr. P. was not only a gifted plastic surgeon, but a wonderful man. Finally in November of 2013 he finished my reconstruction.

Now we wait, until the scars fade and I somehow forget what my face looked like before and get used to what it looks like now.

I will be honest. The way you look in the mirror to yourself, is something most of us never think about. We get up, shower, comb our hair and never really think that the person you are seeing may change.

And so it was with me. One day I looked like the person I always have know. And then, I wasn’t. I have really struggled with depression about this, and this spring I decided to fight back!

I am, who I am. The person inside is the same.

Now, it’s time for me to work on getting rid of all that chocolate that I ate to soothe myself during the surgery and after. Let me tell you, gaining weight, never helps with how you see yourself.

It’s hard, losing weight. And oh, so easy to gain it!!!

Life is as good as you chose to make it!

Game on!

For those of you that know me well, you know I have been vowing to clean the office for sometime. It’s been years months, but finally I decided to get all the filing items together and sort those, and slowly, but surely just do it.

I worked all day on Friday, and will be working on this again tomorrow. I discovered a box of old photo’s (the real kind) and I will have some fun in the future, scanning those.

I want to be done with it by mid-week because we are finally getting the VCR, DVD, and Satellite and cable all hooked up and working correctly on our family room TV.

This means a lot of working on the floor, on my hands and knees which isn’t always easy for me, as middle age has set in.

Friday was a beautiful day. It was actually 62 degrees here for most of the day with sunshine! How great is that!

My day started early, as I got up at 6:30, so I could walk the dogs, and shower, do my hair and dress. Once all that was done, I made breakfast for Hubby and myself. Then I gathered up all my documents, and my purse and off I went.
Driving over I was about half way there, when a man came up behind my car and was driving so close he scared me. When it was safe, I pulled over and let him pass by. A little further up the road, he was tail-gating an oil truck. This was terrible! Then he passed the oil truck in a no passing zone! The oil truck turned off down a road, and there in the distance I could see this same car tail-gating another car. I decided to get his license plate number. I drove up, read the plate number to Melodie (who I was talking to on the phone). Then in a mile or so, I saw a police car. So I stopped and carefully walked up to the police car. I explained it all to him, and gave him the plate number, and make and model and color of the car. It was then I realized the car driving recklessly was a policeman in an unmarked car. (Similar strange plate number) I explained my concern to the nice policeman, and he took down all the information. I hope that the other policeman who was driving crazy, was spoken to.
I arrived at Dr. J’s office, and the nurse was not so friendly. She had a real sour face. I just did not say another word, and allowed her to weigh me, and take my blood pressure. Then I waited for the doctor.
He was so kind, and he spent over an hour taking a medical history from me. He asked questions, and really spoke to me. For the first time, I felt as if someone was listening to me about feeling so ill. He looked over the blood tests I had already had, and said he is very concerned about the test that showed the high inflammation in my body. Then he did a complete physical examination and he was able to pin point the pain I have and we spoke about, how it feels, where it is, etc. The thing is that this sort of inflammation can be many things.
Dr. J promised me he will work to find out what it is. And he will not quit until he diagnoses me.
After I saw him I had a chest x-ray, and x-rays of my hands. Then I went to have a massive amount of blood taken to test.

After that I felt a little light headed, so I grabbed a sandwich and then started to come home. It was such a pretty day, and I stopped to take pictures of Cardigan Mountain. It is a beautiful mountain not to far from us.

Now the ride home was also event filled. I was driving behind another oil truck when all of a sudden he veered off into the breakdown lane! I followed him because, there was an insane woman driving right toward us, in our lane! Oh my God! I yelled to God reminding him that it is not allowed that I should die in a car!
I got home, and just wanted a cup of tea and some rest. I just have to warm up some leftovers and then toss the dishes in the dishwasher. I think bedtime will bean early one.