Category: My Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about the journey I have been on since my own facial cancer surgery and the plastic surgery after. What I am about to confess here may seem stuck up, but after some real soul searching, I am only just now, starting to understand the dynamics of why I have been so shaken by all of this.

You see, back as a child and a teen I felt very confident in my body and of my appearance. As a little kid I practiced how to smile for pictures and it’s hard to find any bad pictures of me.

Of course my daughter is funny because she could always tell the real smiles from the fake ones.

When I was about 15 my grandmother took me aside.

I sure loved my Grandma Honey!

She told me that I was a beauty for sure, now, but beauty is short lived. One must work hard to be a good person, inside and out!

I didn’t really understand then, what she was saying. Certainly if one did all the right things they could keep the clock from ticking away at their looks.

No one ever told me that Mother Nature could jump in and have her way with my face, leaving me to discover, it is time to find my inner beauty.

Well, I have to tell you, it isn’t easy. Being pretty was the easy stuff. You just were. Now I am trying to figure it all out.

I’ve gone back to Weight Watchers after a catstophic weight gain last year. But I still feel bad when I look in the mirror that this unprepared woman, must find her inner beauty or forever be lost.

Janet and Dave came up to celebrate the 4th of July!

Today went very well. I had everything ready for us to sit down and eat by 1 PM, and you should have seen this one lobster! It was huge and ugly! I took it because I

was not sure how it would taste. The shell on it was so thick and hard! I swear it was horrible!

Well, I am 55 years old and I have to say this is the first bad lobster I have ever had! The meat was old tasting and tough and not sweet and lovely. I was so disappointed. Everyone else had a good tasting lobster.

I just never knew there was such a thing as a bad lobster!

Oh well, the corn was good, the potatoes were good and the fruit salad was great. I just should have had that!

I did all the weeding in the garden, on Sunday morning. I still have a bit left to do, but not too much. At the end, it was getting hot, and I figured that tomorrow was another day and I could finish then!

I showered and went to the Grand Opening of CruConCruiseOutlet which was very exciting. They started out just a few employees and now they have moved into their new building, where they will employ over 100 people! I’ve known the owner for a few years. I met her through my late hair stylist Margarita. I felt today, I needed to go and show my support. However, it was wild! The place was mobbed and although there was plenty of freebies to be had, the cake was gone! That was good, I didn’t have to make up my mind if I was going to have any or not.

I came back to vacuum and change sheets, when suddenly it hits me…my shoulders and back are a little bit sore! Made me laugh at myself! I’m not the sweet young thing I once was!

As I was preparing our dinner tonight, I also sat down and chopped up vegetables for my Cabbage Soup. Hubby loves this soup, and the link will take you to the recipe.

Dinner was good, Steak, baked potatoes and my favorite seasonal vegetable, Corn on the Cob!

Then I decided to take the pups up to see our neighbor. All was going well, although it’s rather crazy with 4 dogs, when I see a little boy running down the hill towards us. His name is Jack and he is 6 years old and although he loves dogs, he has no ideal how to act with a puppy.

I quickly got Lili, Greta and Arnie home, but that little bugger, Anneliese, headed to Jack’s family’s rental cottage!

Lately it seems I get to 9 PM and I am simply exhausted! So it is again tonight. Off to bed I go!

Well folks, I went back to Weight Watchers and after 10 days being strict with myself, I have lost two and a half pounds! Okay, this is great, and the first step. Now I have to follow up again this week and be just as strict and hopefully fall into a routine that will help me to change the way I view food.

I feel very good about these developments. My ultimate goal right now, is to lose 25 pounds by my birthday in November. It’s possible, but I will have to stick to the plan, and increase my exercise.

I cannot believe how perfect the weather has been the past week. Usually “Motorcycle Week” brings lots and lots of rain, but we have had pleasant temperatures and blue skies!

I’ve spent time in the garden, time walking Lili and time making things in the kitchen like salads. I’m quite determined to get back 100% on Weight Watchers.

I know I have a way to go to get to my goal, but I also know that Weight Watchers is a good program. Every day at  lunch I have a beautiful salad. And I really enjoy that. I keep telling myself that once I reach my goal, occasionally I can have something special. But I will be very careful, unlike my previous loss. I seemed to think that my metabolism had changed and I could eat anything.

Nope! I gained it back. Since I am not a defeatist, I am back in the saddle again and I will do it!

Lately I’ve been going through a dry spot. It’s kinda that time of year, I’m feeling the loss of my daughter, and so much has changed in the perception I have in viewing myself.

All my life I saw myself looking the same as I always have. I may have gotten gray over the years, but a good dye job took care of that.

Then last year I had the facial cancer, gained quite a bit of weight and found I no longer knew this stranger in the mirror. I really have felt lost.

Add to this the fact that I spent most of last winter sick with high fevers, chills and desperately ill. That didn’t help at all.

Anyway, Last week I went back to Weight Watchers, and I am trying to get myself together. Lose the weight, get my face looking as good as I can.

I also think that I need to concentrate on the positive. All the good things in my life. I also need to stop thinking about the personal vanities that bother me. Hubby, Mandy and Savannah love me, no matter how my face looks. (And really, my face looks okay, just not the same as it did).

I made it through day one of my diet healthy lifestyle eating plan. Oh goodness, I did fine until about 7 o’clock, in the evening and then all I wanted to do was eat! Thankfully it was Monday, and I watch “Dancing With The Stars” in bed (Hubby dislikes this show) and I actually had trouble staying awake until the end!

Excitement continues in our house hold, but I still cannot share this news. And for those of you that already know, please don’t say anything just yet. Just know it is wonderful and happy!

I’ll be seeing my daughter this weekend as she is having a Thirty-one Party. I shall report in. I’ve never been to one before, but it is a bag/pocketbook/tote party. Like the days of Tupperware!

Yesterday I stopped in at the shoe store and bought myself a new pair of walking shoes. They are cute slip-ons, with great support, and my orthotics actually slip right on in. They are also blue jeans color.

Happy Tuesday!

Today I was more energetic than I have been in well over a year. I think depression will do that to you. After my cancer surgery and then the plastic surgery, I fell into a deep depression. Worst of all, my doctor had decided to decrease the medication I take for depression.

So I kept falling, deeper, and deeper into depression. It’s sort of like trying to swim in molasses. You just don’t get anywhere, and before you know it, you feel like you are sinking.

Well about 10 days ago my medication was adjusted and I woke up today and I met myself again. I made breakfast, (with gusto), I planted all my garden seeds in their little pots, I washed the floor in the kitchen (twice) and made a nice dinner.

And at the very end of the day I took a hot shower and got ready for “Dancing With The Stars”! And best of all, I feel good. Peaceful. Finally, like I can take a deep breath and relax. Life is good.