Category: Jack

Today I started the task of sifting. I’m going through all the “stuff” that Jack has accumulated in his time. Jack was a pack rat and often came home with more than he went with to the recycling center! You know, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure?

As I go along, I am amazed at all Jack’s junk (totally trash!). My brother inlaw will be pleased. I’ve thrown out a lot of garbage already.

I was doing well, and it hit me…Jack’s not coming back. Now I know it was his time. I know he is in a better place. But darn it. I sure do miss him.

John Galsworthy wrote: “Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.” In my case, this is true. I shared 35+ years with my husband. So many times, travels, laughter, joy, and challenges.

I thought I was prepared. I thought I was ready. On certain levels, I am. Maybe clearing this house filled with his junk will be a soothing balm for my soul.

People think that the last lucid moments in life will somehow be prophetic. Maybe some are. But that last time Jack and I were just happily living out life was lovely for me.

I made the coffee, and upon handing him a fresh cup, he exclaimed that it was really good that morning. He said he felt good. Good and hungry. He wanted a McDonalds Big Breakfast.

After exacting a promise from him that he would not get out of his chair while I drove the three minutes to Mcdonald’s and back,  I, still in my pajamas, went off to pick up my drive-through breakfasts.

I arrived back home and fixed his tray table with his food. He was quite happy and started to put the strawberry jam on his biscuit.

As I ate my breakfast, Jack sort of slumped to the left. I thought Lili and Heidi might be getting spoiled, and I asked Jack if he was feeding them. There was no answer.

It was at that moment that I realized that Jack had gone. Thirty-five years of marriage and 85 years in his life.

He lingered from that day, July 3rd, until July 6th. He never woke up. He never opened those beautiful blue eyes. The machines made noises, but I knew he was gone.

Ah. The last 35+ years have gone by so fast. I look over, and I see your empty chair. It’s only been a few days, and it seems so long since we had our lazy morning coffee chats. Rest well, Jack.

We spent the day with Jack yesterday. The days feel long, and you keep hoping that Jack will open his eyes, start laughing and sit up to tell you it was all a joke.

But it isn’t a joke, and he hasn’t shown any improvement. I was sitting there yesterday looking at him. In all our years together, he has never been this quiet. Jack used to tease me about being a chatterbox, but we made a good team!

Jack isn’t getting better. The doctor told me that my Jack is gone. If he wakes he would need years in a recovery hospital and even then he would most likely never be my Jack again.

I am praying that God will reach down and bring Jack home.

Jack is seriously ill. On Monday the 3rd, Jack slumped over in his seat. He’s been passing out for a few weeks. Usually, he woke up quickly, but I could not revive him this time, so I called 911. They rushed here, and he was almost gone. He had a massive heart attack in our driveway in the ambulance. Then he coded twice more on his way to the hospital. They put him on a Vent and sent him to Concord Hospital, where they discovered a rather large Pulmonary Embolism. They operated, but now we are waiting to see if he has good brain function.
I’m exhausted, but doing what I can. I sit in Jack’s ICU room and just talk about all the good times.
I got the paperwork from the safe and presented it. At this point, if he codes again, they need to let him go. It’s what he wanted.

You think you are ready, but when this type of illness happens, you find out that you aren’t ready.

Usually, I end my week with a Friday Five. This week my days were filled and by the time Friday rolled around I was asleep by 8:30-9:00 every night. So, here are the six things that made up my somewhat crazy week.

1. I was taking care of Jack and his kidney stone all week. Not only was this hands-on care which included calling doctor’s offices trying to get help. No one was returning my calls or secure email. Call me frustrated.
2. Jack was weak from the pain. I tried my best to keep him hydrated, but he wasn’t eating much.
3. By Friday I needed food. Not a big shopping, but some easy food to eat. I told Jack that my plan was this: if he got worse over the weekend, I would drive him across the state to Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center. I felt quite helpless, but I know after 3:30 in the afternoon, you are most likely not going to hear from your doctor. So off I went.
4. I picked up a week’s worth of mail, milk and bread, and some muffins. Then I headed home. I walked in about 5 minutes after the nurse called from Jack’s doctor’s office. He was a little confused, but fortunately, she sent me an email.
5. A friend kind of called me out on leaving Jack to go to the store if he was so ill, but my gosh, part of my being a good caregiver is preparing foods he can eat and things he can drink.
6. As of midnight on Saturday Jack says he thinks the Kidney stone has moved as his pain is not as acute. He is exhausted and will likely sleep until 3:00-4:00 this afternoon. The next step is to make sure the stone works its way out.  Meanwhile, today I am doing laundry, and napping myself. It has been one crazy, stressful, and busy week!

Today is the eighty-forth birthday of my husband Jack. It’s quite a milestone for him. We met many years ago and were friends for a long time. We saw each other through many difficult times in life, and eventually, when we figured it all out, we got married and started our life together. How the time has flown.

Today we celebrate Jack’s birth and here is hoping for not only a happy day but a healthy and wonderful year ahead!