And Just Like That…

Your life changes.

Monday was a good day. I accomplished a lot, even if my hounds only allowed me 4 to 5 hours of sleep. Here’s hoping they allow me to get more tonight.

I had an appointment with our Dermatologist. I’d printed up Jack’s obituary and photo to bring with me. As soon as he came in, he asked me where my partner in crime was.

Those times are always a little tough for me. People are so kind, and I work hard not to break down and cry.

This is a new part of my life. Being a Widow is quite odd. While you are married (or sharing life), you share things with each other. There were times Jack drove me up the wall, but at the end of the day, and during my hard times, he tried to be there.

I would not have wished the last six months of Jack’s life on anyone. He suffered so much.

What I did not know then, but I do now, was that Jack was in the last phase of his life. The Hospice Nurse who wrote this small book I read calls it active dying. As I read the book, I could see all of Jack’s symptoms in his last six months on the pages.

I’m at peace with this now. I find this home we built together devoid of his presence. And I am trying to make it my own.

If people call and ask me out, I go. If I am invited to dinner, I go. And last weekend, I even went to a Craft Fair.

I’m alive and working my way back to the land of the living. I even took my car out to drive and learn more about her.


Thursday Thoughts

Good Morning, Gentle Readers,

As I wake each day and begin the process of walking myself through another day, I have realized that I am still in a state of shock with the loss of my husband.

Now I knew he was ill. I knew that at 85 years old, Jack was living his last days, but that day at home, his last day at home, he was happy.  All was right in his world.

And then, just like that…it wasn’t.

Now I wander around. I look for Jack outside, and the other day I actually wondered when he’d call. I know he won’t be coming home or calling, and I sure do miss him.

The Food Bank continues to make out well. There are so many items that Jack loved, and I did not. I’ll tell you, it felt very good to bring it all in, especially since their shelves were empty.

Lili is doing a bit better. She sure misses Jack, and her nerves have been somewhat frayed. But each day, she seems to get better and better.

Have a great Thursday, and keep an eye on the sky, as we are due for some rough weather later on.


And Just Like That…Spring

I am not quite ready to believe that we are finished with snow for this year. I recall a time in 1977 while living in Ayer, Massachusetts we actually had a huge storm that dropped nearly a foot of snow where we lived. The power was out and the Spring flowers were covered in heavy wet snow.

snowstormAmanda was a baby and with no electricity, it was a challenge.

tulipMy yard a few years back.

So yes, I am cautious about counting my Spring Days much before May 31st!

We’re having lovely puddles of melting. Heidi dislikes that, but she wanted to go and see our neighbors which required her to ford the puddles. I wish you all could have seen that!

Currently, she is asleep between my knees as she is spent from having to wade through the puddles!

And lastly, today is Lili’s 8th Birthday. This is amazing as she is still acting like a silly puppy!

Birthday LiliNow she has a playmate, although one who is much craftier than she is!

Happy Birthday, Lili!