Katie – The Dackel Princess

Katie Alynne ~ November 1978 ~ June 1985

I’ve been thinking a lot about my daughter Katie. After you lose a child, you learn to go on. Some days are better than others, and then a time will come when you are thrown back in time emotionally and the pain is overwhelming.

You all know that Katie lived. She was my youngest daughter, and a very sweet, kind, and funny girl.

Our Katie.

Most of you know that on June 13th, 1985, our car was run over by a box van truck trapping Katie and me inside.

I have no recollection of actually being in the car. I do not recall Katie being in or out of the car after the accident. In time I knew we were out of the car. But it just didn’t make sense. It was a warm sunny day and I recall seeing bright blue skies once the roof was lifted off of us.

Katie lingered in a coma until June 19th. Then Katie went home with God.

It’s been 37 years since that horrible day. One might think that the memories and the pain would not be as sharp. But it is. My arms still ache for her, and I wonder what might have been.

I’m allowing myself a little bit of grief before I pack it all up again and go through the motions of the days.

My life is a good one. I have many loves in my life. I am blessed. But until the day that I pass from this life to the next, I shall miss my girl and look forward to meeting up with her when I open my eyes in a whole new world.

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Katie!

Each year I remember Katie on her birthday. When you lose a child so very young, (Katie was 6 and a half years old) the harsh reality is, that she is frozen in time.

The pictures I have are the only ones I will ever have. Taken with cheap cameras, because back then, there was no such thing as a digital camera or cell phone that actually took pictures. You had to buy film, pose a shot and then hope upon hope that when your pictures came back you captured something good. One never really knew.

These are the best pictures of Katie with her Dad, sister, Mandy, and me.

What a neat kid she was. Usually happy and cheerful, she loved music, art, and dancing. She adored animals and was quite a gentle soul.

The day she was born, found me waking very early for her 5:30 AM debut. She was a little smaller than Mandy at birth but had her very original wisps of curly red hair. My baby.

I miss her a great deal. It’s actually hard to describe. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Not wanting to, but having no choice.

I learned to go on, but always and forever, there is a piece of me missing.

Happy Birthday to my darling, youngest daughter in Heaven. Some day, one day, I will see you again.

Thinking About Katie

11/8/78 – 6/19/85

I had a lovely daughter, named Kathleen “Katie” Alynne. She was my youngest daughter and quite amazing. She was six and a half when she died after a car accident that occurred on June 13th. She lived until June 19th, but she never regained consciousness after the paramedics pulled her from the car. So in my mind and my heart, the 13th is the day that she left us.

People have wondered and actually said to me, that after 36 years I should be over losing her.

What I know is, you never get over losing a child. But you learn to go on and to make a new life for yourself. But on days like today, I like to remind everyone that once long ago, lived a beautiful little girl named Katie!

***************

This is so beautiful. I was crying by the second line, Written by Henry Scott Holland (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford.

A few years ago, an old friend was sorting through his pictures when he found this one of Katie. I’d never seen it before, and it was such a wonderful gift!

Most days I do well. I don’t dwell and I can look at her lovely face in pictures and smile. Then there are days that it hits me all over again and I am overwhelmed by grief. I don’t stay there long. Katie wouldn’t want that.

I miss you each day, Katie.

TBT: 1983 ~ My Girls

My girls, Mandy and Katie

Remembering Katie 11/8/1978 – 6/19/1985

Each year I remember Katie on her birthday. When you lose a child so very young, (Katie was 6 and a half years old) the harsh reality is, that she is frozen in time.

The pictures I have are the only ones I will ever have. Taken with cheap cameras, because back then, there was no such thing as a digital camera or cell phones that actually took pictures. You had to buy film, pose a shot and then hope upon hope that when your pictures came back you captured something good. One never really knew.

These are the best pictures of Katie with her Dad, sister, Mandy, and me.

What a neat kid she was. Usually happy and cheerful, she loved music, art, and dancing. She adored animals and was quite a gentle soul.

The day she was born, found me waking very early for her 5:30 AM debut. She was a little smaller than Mandy at birth but had her very original wisps of curly red hair. My baby.

I miss her a great deal. It’s actually hard to describe. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Not wanting to, but having no choice.

I learned to go on, but always and forever, there is a piece of me missing.

Happy Birthday to my darling, youngest daughter in Heaven. Some day, one day, I will see you again.

35 Years

It’s hard for me to believe that it has been thirty-five years since the car accident that took the life of my six-year-old daughter, Katie.

It seems like so long ago, another lifetime. And yet, it also seems like just yesterday and I remember each and every detail.

The accident happened on June 13, 1985, and Katie passed away a few days later on the 19th. I’d prayed she would come back to us and wake from her coma. But, sometimes prayers are not answered.

Each year I have felt such pain. And guilt. Guilt at having been the survivor of this great tragedy. One that was entirely the other driver’s fault.

However this year I have a feeling of lightness. I will try to explain, but I am sure many of you will doubt what I am about to write.

My daughter, Mandy gave me a wonderful Mother’s Day gift. She gave me a psychic reading this Spring. I am a great Doubting Thomas, but this man was amazing and spot on.

Mandy & Katie 1985

I will not go through all he told me, but he did tell me that Katie was telling him that she did not blame me, that it wasn’t my fault, and that she is fine!

There was so much more. He knew things that no one else did, but the healing words he spoke, how it all happened, helped me to finally heal. Finally, I was able to forgive myself.

Me & Katie November 1984

So on this day, the day that changed my life forever, I am able to know that my dearest, sweetest daughter, Katie, is resting in peace.

November 8, 1978 – June 19, 1985

Happy Birthday, Katie

Each year I remember Katie on her birthday. When you lose a child so very young, (Katie was 6 and a half years old) the harsh reality is, that she is frozen in time.

These are the best pictures of Katie with her Dad, sister, Mandy and me.

What a neat kid she was. Usually happy and cheerful, she loved music, art, and dancing. She adored animals and was quite a gentle soul.

The day she was born, found me waking very early for her 5:30 AM debut. She was a little smaller than Mandy at birth but had her very original wisps of curly red hair. My baby.

I miss her a great deal. It’s actually hard to describe. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Not wanting to, but having no choice.

I learned to go on, but always and forever, there is a piece of me missing.

Happy Birthday to my darling, youngest daughter in Heaven. Some day, one day, I will see you again.

Memories on Saturday Morning

Mostly I do very well. I try not to dwell on the accident, and the greatest loss of my life, the death of my six-year-old daughter.

Oh, I miss her like crazy, but in order to go forward in my life, I had to put all those emotions and feelings in a box and place them in a storage unit on a shelf in my mind.

Katie was a sweet and loving child. She was quick with a smile and her laughter put a smile on my face.

She had a kind heart and loved her family deeply, especially Amanda. She was a good friend to many.

I wasn’t thinking about her, at least not actively, when I was out the other day. I was driving around doing errands and as I slowly drove down Main Street, I saw a little red-haired girl, skipping down the street, laughing and holding the hand of her mother. As she skipped, her red curls bounced around her head.

For just a moment I was taken back in time. I could see Katie in my mind, doing the same thing with me.

The mist of time was all around me and I could feel Katie with me. I slowed my car, and looked to see if, if, …

This was all for a split second or two and then the feeling left me, as I could quite plainly see, this was not Katie.

That’s when I recalled that for the first few ~~months,~~ years, I used to search for Katie in large crowds. Part of me not wanting to believe she was really gone.

This has been on my mind the last few days as I wondered if I should share this story on my Blog. I have only written about Katie on the anniversary of her birth and death. But this does happen occasionally to me and it breaks my heart all over again.

When I lost my dearest friend, Candy, I sat holding her hand and when we talked about the end of her life, I told her that real love never dies. I truly believe this.

I guess for me, for the part of me that still yearns for my little girl, I still feel all that love, and I guess I see her in my mind’s eye.

One day I know, we will be together again. After all, real love never dies.

Thinking of Katie

11/8/78 – 6/19/85

I had a lovely daughter, named Kathleen “Katie” Alynne. She was my youngest daughter and quite amazing. She was six and a half when an impaired (stoned) driver, hit my car and killed her. She actually lived until June 19th, but she never regained consciousness after they pulled her from the car. So in my mind and my heart, the 13th is the day that she left us.

You never get over losing a child. But you learn to go on, and to make a new life for yourself. But on days like today, I like to remind everyone that once long ago, lived a beautiful little girl named Katie!

***************

This is so beautiful. I was crying by the second line, Written by Henry Scott Holland (27 January 1847 – 17 March 1918) was Regius Professor of Divinity at the University of Oxford.

I miss you each day, Katie.

TBT: Katie

It’s been nearly 34 years since my daughter, Katie passed. I wish I could explain the depth of pain you feel when you see the last picture of your child.

The last picture I knew of was taken by me of Katie and her sister on a lovely Spring day that year. They both looked so beautiful and I brought them outside and shot nearly an entire roll of film.

A few weeks after those pictures were taken, Katie passed away. I remember holding the pictures in my hands, thinking that this was it.

And so it was for 34 years.

Recently, Katie’s best friend from those long ago days passed away. Her father posted two pictures of his daughter’s birthday party. There, before my eyes, were two pictures that included Katie! Two new pictures of my sweet daughter!

I have cropped the pictures to protect the privacy of the other family, who just lost their daughter. She was a wonderful girl, who grew up to be very special. Sadly she passed just before her 40th birthday

I saw Katie’s face. Her beautiful smile. My heart filled, and so did my eyes, which overflowed and tears fell down my face.

What a beautiful gift!

I am so very thankful