Your life changes.
Monday was a good day. I accomplished a lot, even if my hounds only allowed me 4 to 5 hours of sleep. Here’s hoping they allow me to get more tonight.
I had an appointment with our Dermatologist. I’d printed up Jack’s obituary and photo to bring with me. As soon as he came in, he asked me where my partner in crime was.
Those times are always a little tough for me. People are so kind, and I work hard not to break down and cry.
This is a new part of my life. Being a Widow is quite odd. While you are married (or sharing life), you share things with each other. There were times Jack drove me up the wall, but at the end of the day, and during my hard times, he tried to be there.
I would not have wished the last six months of Jack’s life on anyone. He suffered so much.
What I did not know then, but I do now, was that Jack was in the last phase of his life. The Hospice Nurse who wrote this small book I read calls it active dying. As I read the book, I could see all of Jack’s symptoms in his last six months on the pages.
I’m at peace with this now. I find this home we built together devoid of his presence. And I am trying to make it my own.
If people call and ask me out, I go. If I am invited to dinner, I go. And last weekend, I even went to a Craft Fair.
I’m alive and working my way back to the land of the living. I even took my car out to drive and learn more about her.
I think what you may miss the most when a life partner dies is the lack of anyone to discuss the trivialities of the day, say if you if you’d been out and once home you would relate your experience and what you have seen. Also, there isn’t someone to run thoughts and decisions past. I am sure Heidi does her best though.
Oh Maribeth, your strength continues to amaze and inspire me.~~sending many hugs from Delaware
It’s already one year that Rick passed away, and that year was much better than this year. I was too busy to grief probably. Now I have no energy at all, I emptied this morning his last two bags, fortunately there was nothing in it what would make me cry. I just couldn’t. Now as you, I get furious when somebody uses this title “widow” ! I got a few letters addressed to Mrs Widow bla bla !! I almost brought them back. I am not made to live alone but not with somebody else either. What I miss is when I came back from a travel to tell him what I have seen etc. But a part from the walls and Rosie nobody listens. i
You’ve handled this new situation with so much strength and grace, Maribeth. Thinking of you.