In recent days there has been quite a controversy about the release of the pictures of Princess Diana in her car after the accident. One news show gave you all the key words to use in Google to find them. Did I follow the link and go and look? Yes I did.
Why?
I asked myself this question as I stared at the photo. Because in my minds eye I could see myself.
You see 22 years ago today I was involved in a terrible car accident. I have written about it here. It’s a time of my life that I no longer dwell on (not too much anyway) but it is always with me.
Usually on June 13th I write about my feelings of loss for Katie and I tell you all about how wonderful she was (and she was) and how much I miss her (which I really do). All of this is true, and to a certain extent it is even more painful as the years have gone by. I think of the times I would have had, if she had lived. I think of what she would be like as a grown woman. Yes, the feelings inside of me can overwhelm at times.
As I put together this montage of her pictures I noted with great sadness that there are no more new pictures of Katie. And Amanda and I have grown and changed over the last 22 years. Life has gone on for us, but sadly, not for her.
The music in this montage is sort of interesting. You see one day I drove to pick Katie up at kindergarten and when she saw the car she started jumping up and down waving at me. I can still see that when I hear this song. The lyrics, which many people have never heard, can be found in the extended entry.
I chose to live in the present now. I allow myself two days a year (the anniversary of the accident and Katie’s birthday) to remember, to grieve and to wallow a bit, but it is hard.
She had the most beautiful red curls and dancing green eyes and a little voice that made one think of Leprechauns. She wasn’t perfect, but she was special and sweet and she was my daughter.
The accident forever changed me, and Amanda, but from the ashes of our previous lives, like a Phoenix, we have risen to make a good, happy life in the present.
But you just never forget that time, those events…
Kathleen Alynne
St Elmo’s Fire Love Theme By David W. Foster and John Stephen Parr
We laughed
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we’ll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment
We chased
That dream we never found
And sometimes
We let one another down
But the love we made
Made everything alright
We shone so bright
For just a moment
Time goes on
People touch and then they’re gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then
Someday, when we both reminisce
We’ll both say
There wasn’t too much we missed
And through the tears
We’ll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment
Time goes on
People touch and then they’re gone
But you and I
Will never really end
We’ll never love again
Like we did then
We laughed until we had to cry
And we loved right down to our last goodbye
There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.
Pearl S. Buck (7)
I am so touched by the slide show, by your words and by the graceful way that you live everyday. The life you live is a great honor to Katie and the courage you show in going on, even on the hard days is amazing. HUGS
Just beautiful Maribeth. I am sitting here, teary eyed just looking at Katie’s photos, reading your word, and listening to the music. You’re little girl is known by so many people, everyone who reads your words here carries her spirit with them. And it makes us more grateful than ever for our own children. Be well.
Truly beautiful and very evocative of the spirit pf Katie. Your pictures bring her to life to us. I was not able to hear the music but am familiar with it. You are so much better at this than I…I hope that someday I will be able to be as strong as you. Love, Carol
Such a beautiful little girl. 🙁 I don’t know how you ever lived through that, but I think it’s so wonderful how you remember her each year.
What a heartbreaking presentation. The pictures are gorgeous and the music indeed perfect.
I am in awe of your strength.
hugs to a remarkable woman,
linda
It is always hard to know just what to say. I see those pictures and it isn’t just remembering Katie, it is that I know her. I know her smile, her voice, her laugh, her curls of red hair, the smell of her skin and the twinkle in her eyes and I love her today just as I did yesterday. And that Love will go on for all eternity.
I echo everyone else in that you are remarkably strong. Katie was the giggliest girl, with the most beautiful red curls and I was honored to know her 🙂
Maribeth, This is such a beautiful tribute to you and your entire family — not just Katie. She looks so beautiful, and I know there is never anything to be said to make you feel better. Knowing you and Mel, I know Katie was a wonderful child and person. Thank you for sharing your pictures, emotions and her life with us.
Love Lisa
As you said, life continues it is the most terrible thing which can happen to a mother to loose her child. She always will be with you that is for sure how could you forget. What a terrible accident you had it’s a miracle that you survived ! It is very good that you are able now to speak about it and you can share your grief, that is not easy at all.
Hi Mom,
Logged on earlier, but was too choked up to be able to write. The presentation and the pictures were very nice–a little hard, but nice. I miss her too, now and always. My baby sister….
Thinking of you, and hope that you have found little things to make you smile on this day! 🙂
Love you lots and lots,
Mandy
A beautiful tribute to a wonderful little girl. I remember her delicate face from prior posts…
(((hugs)))
Oh…. how sad, sad, sad. I’m so, so sorry Maribeth! *sobbing*
Life really is too cruel sometime. It’s not fair, so young… *sigh*
That’s fantastic of you to be able to write it down and share it with us. I really admire you for that.
…and for being strong and carry on. Must have been a hell sometimes. You are one amazing woman.
((HUGS))
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl. And what a strong person you are! I don’t know how you do it.