Oh Woe Is The Fat Lady!!!

Well, here we go again.
I was getting ready for a picnic yesterday when I found that my cute, summer shorts were too tight. My first thought was, “How’d these shrink?”
After deciding to have my dryer heat settings checked, I pulled on a pair of stretchy all purpose shorts. These are my fall back ones. They always fit, never shrink and can be worn anywhere.
I finished preparing for my day, loaded all the food into the car and off we went.
I felt good, comfortable and we had a great time, but when I downloaded my pictures onto the laptop I saw this strange woman in them. She was sitting in my comfortable shorts, with my hair and glasses, but this woman, this chubby woman, couldn’t possibly be me!
I went into the bathroom stripping off my clothes as I went. I stepped on the scales and I swear I heard groaning! (My own, perhaps?)
“I don’t weigh that much!” I screamed, “Surely it’s all the iced tea I drank today!”
I came out and asked Hubby, “Do I look fat?”
He looked at me with real fear in his eyes. He stumbled, he stuttered, and smartly, he did not answer me.
So, what now, I wondered? I knew even before I finished the question.
It’s back onto the diet wagon. The one I fell off of last January. The one I tried to climb back onto, and fell off of again and again this spring.
So why stay on the diet this time? It’s easy. You see, aside from these ugly, all purpose, shrink resistant shorts, all I have to wear is my underwear and a pair of raggedy pajamas!
It’s a good thing I planted my garden of vegetables, because it’s all I’ll be eating for a while!
Oh woe is the fat lady!


10 thoughts on “Oh Woe Is The Fat Lady!!!”

  1. Ah yes, that is why we do not own a scale. Then I can just blame the dryer and not worry about having to prove it’s all those cookies that I ate. Ugh…makes me realize I need to start working out again!

  2. I seldom use the scale, my clothes are my reference!! And I
    have always 2 kilos extra…during the summer! just bought M. Guiliano’s “French women don’t get fat”…

  3. The scale is the enemy and I stop using it. I use to obsess too much about the weight going up and down. If I gain weight I can tell in my clothes and that’s how I will know. BTW…you ARE NOT chubby by looking at you in your recent pics.

    I dread diets and stop doing them. They just don’t work for me, I just up my cardio intake and pray that it helps.

    I wish life was simple and all we have to wear would be PJ’s and sweats…oh what a life that would be 🙂

    Good luck if you do decide to pursue the ole’ diet train again (but i really don’t think you need it)

  4. Hi Mom,
    I agree with Lauren–I do not think you are on old fat woman!! I just saw you the other day, and I thought you looked very nice.
    Well, I am back at work again! Oh boy! It was a great break!
    Hope you have a good day, and don’t be too hard on yourself!

    Love you,

  5. Try drinking flavored seltzer, tastes like soda.
    Try eating Edies ices (only 80 calories each!)
    Try not giving a shit, like me! Woo!

  6. Let me share your woe. Really. I’m in the same overly abundant boat as you, and it’s driven me to where I am now – trying to figure out how I can get exercise in on a daily basis, and figuring out how best to clean up my diet again.


  7. You had me laughing with this line:

    I came out and asked Hubby, “Do I look fat?”
    He looked at me with real fear in his eyes. He stumbled, he stuttered, and smartly, he did not answer me.

    Hahhaha!!! Too funny. I’m struggling myself- I think I’m getting a new SLOW SLOW metabolism or something…

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