My Mom passed away five years ago today.
Rosamond Ruth, my Mom.
In life, ours was a very complicated relationship. However, with her illness and then passing, so much of the bitterness was forgiven, and in the end, there was only love.
Now five years later, I find many moments where I miss my Mom. I wish I could call her, and hear her voice. There were so many times where I would call her and say, “Mom, just say it’s okay” and she would, then she asked what was up.
As a small child, I recall sitting in her lap and holding her hand up to my lips. Not that I was kissing it, but just having her touch me, calmed me down. She was so beautiful, and yet, I do not think she ever knew that. But just look at the picture below, taken when she was maybe 40 years old.
I remember her sitting and listening to me when I had voice lessons. I was singing in Italian, and she loved that. Me? Not so much. But I sang and she was happy.
Mom loved her family. Her pocketbook weighed a ton. Why? Because she had pictures of each and every one of us in her bag. Not just to show to other people, but more than once I caught her looking them over. She etched the faces of each and every one of us in her memory.
Me, Mom and Mel.
When Mom was dying of cancer, I got out all of the old slides. I scanned in pictures of all of her loved ones Past and present. I made up a slideshow on my laptop for her, so she could revisit each one of those moments. Mel, Janet and I played it for her at the Hospice. She loved that.
Amanda brought baby Savannah down, and Mom got to see her Great-granddaughter one last time. Oh, how she adored Savi and the thought that another generation of girls in her family would go on.
Mom has two grandchildren that she never got to meet. April and Quinn. No doubt, Mom would have loved them as she loved us all. I’m sorry she didn’t get to see them. They’re such beautiful and happy children.
The last day I was with her, she was mostly drifting in and out. At one point I thought she was asleep, and I told her all the things I wanted to say to her. I had hoped she heard me, where ever she was at that moment. I told her that I loved her so much.
She spoke quietly, slowly, and softly. “I’m here. And I love you too”.
I could say all sorts of wise and kind things, but I will just say, what fab earrings she is wearing in the photo, the kind that drag queens would kill for.
What precious memories! My Mum has been gone for 15 years and I still have moments when I wish I could pick up the phone and share something with her. She never met her two grandsons, my sister’s boys, but I am so thankful that she got to spend time with Sophia. The photos of the two of them are among my most treasured possessions. Hugs to you today, it’s a painful day, but a joyous one with your memories and in knowing that she is no longer in any pain.