Category: My Life

I raced around on Monday, as I had two appointments, both incredibly important and yet very close together. The first was with my hair stylist. What can I say? Almost any women will tell you that their monthly meetings with the hair stylist is at the top of their list of important things to do. And so it was with me. High noon!

My stylist worked feverishly fast, but some things take time, and I was out the door at 1:30 PM, headed to my next appointment, which was with my Primary Care Doctor. I raced to that, through the rain and fog, and was only 5 minutes late. Good thing he was running late too!

Since recovering from the flu, (and yes, he said it was the flu) I have one ear that is totally stopped up. Not infected, but the Eustachian Tube in my left ear is blocked. Giving me poor hearing and an altered state of understanding what people are saying to me. After all the probing, I now have an ear ache, which is just thrilling, (Not!).

So for now I am on two different nasal sprays, and if I am not better by Friday and appointment will be made with the Ear, Nose and Throat Doctors.

Meanwhile, as promised I went into the formal living room, and removed 4 boxes and actually threw out three things, and set aside a large bag of clothes to go to the charity shop! A great start!

I had an spooky thing happen to me today.

I’d ordered a small wallet/purse last week, in hopes I could lighten the load on my shoulders/neck and spine. It was so pretty, and even though it was a little pricey, I felt it was worth saving myself the discomfort of carrying a larger bag.

Well, I opened the box and sat down to transfer my stuff from my old purse to this new one. I started to take out the paper stuffing and I unzipped the inner pocket.

That’s when I found a bunch of personal papers from a woman named Ruth. She is 75 and lives in Charlotte, NC. The papers were her email and passwords, her eye glass prescription, and her United Healthcare Card. I tried to call her on the phone, but a recording announced that the number was no longer in service.

I stared at the papers and Jack and I talked. Did we think she had passed away? Had her family returned the pocketbook, without checking the pockets? The purse appeared to be in good shape, no nicks, scuff marks or any indication it had been used. But there were these papers…

I felt very unsettled. This was not a cheap bag. Did I really want to use a bag that possibly had been returned and maybe was the bag of a deceased woman?

Maybe it’s because today is Halloween, but I decided to return the bag to Amazon for a refund. After all, Christmas is coming, and I can use the money when I order Christmas gifts.

What would you have done? Am I being silly? Let me know what you think!

 

Well, I’m alive. I think when you get sick with the flu, and boy have I been sick, the very best you can say after being this sick is that you are alive!

I’m now on season 3 of “Parenthood”. While I huddled down under piles of blankets, I watched the series, that was my Christmas gift from Mandy. What a great series. How could I have missed this?

I’m pretty sure I have lost weight, as I have not eaten a normal meal since last Saturday. This will be good for all those clothes that were just a little snug!

I finally cooked a meal for us last night, and the only problem there is, I couldn’t eat it! Jack says, it was very good, so score one for the sick girl in the blue bathrobe!

I’m hoping you all have noticed some of the new work on Dackel Princess. The old green skin was getting me down and my Web Maven, Megan, took my ideas and made the page changes while I was down and out. I got up this morning and found that it’s complete. I love it! Finally I have my three dackels and the white one (who thinks she is a dachshund!) in the header and warm creams and chocolate browns. Thank you so much, Megan!

My new glasses arrived today. After a year and a half with pink metal frames (what was I thinking?), my new glasses came. They are gold on the top with no bottom frame. I think they pretty much melt into my face.

I did wear contact lenses when I was younger, but after the retina surgeries, I can no longer do that. So….I will continue to find frames that I like, or at least try.

On the left are the old pink metal frames. On the right are the new golden ones, with just a touch of bling! I thought I liked the pink frames. Something different. But I found that it only drew attention to the glasses. I really like me in gold.

Honestly, I am just thankful that I can see perfectly with my glasses and my vision for reading is 20/20 too! I am so grateful to Dr. Chapman, my Retinal Surgeon for repairing both of my retinas and restoring my vision!

With my glasses I can see my beautiful daughter and grandchildren, my husband, our dogs, and the glorious world around me! In fact today as we drove to pick up our glasses (Jack was with me, as he got new glasses too!) I could see the leaves that were just starting to turn color, the brightest, cloudless blue sky, and the apples growing on our trees.

So much beauty! Life is good!

Recently, Jack and I were discussing a sports figure, who was assaulted during a sporting event. This person, though not badly injured, recovered fairly quickly from her injuries, but emotionally, never recovered at all. Although she returned to play once again, she retired very early on, and has become somewhat of a recluse. So very sad to see, as she was amazingly talented, and gifted, with a bright future.

This got me thinking about my own life. I have not always been Maribeth Sunshine. In fact I have fought living in the darkness for many years. And for me to have found my way to where I am, right now, surprises even me. Let me explain.

I’m Bipolar. Okay, there I have said it. Whew! After years and years, of keeping my illness, hush-hushed, I decided to come out of the closet and share with all of you, not only the struggles of this illness, but the joy one can have when they are regulated on their medication.

If I am honest, I can say that I knew as far back as 5th grade, that something was very different inside of me.

 

I married early and had my children. I loved being a Mom, but even then, as they grew I found myself fighting the demons of depression. Anorexia set in and my doctor told me that this was the cause of my depression.

I was in the terrible car accident and my daughter was killed, and the depression became debilitating. It was as if I was in molasses. I could hardly move. I could not think.

Divorce was next in my life and it wasn’t a great thing to go through. I found a small apartment, a job at a local grocery store, and I started to try to learn how to live. But the depression was there. And getting worse every day.

I had known Jack for many years as a friend. He saw me pretty much abandoned by everyone and I think he also saw that emotionally I was not doing well at all. In fact I felt like I was drowning.

Our courtship was short and we married pretty quickly after our divorces came through. Jack saw that I needed to get away, and he provided many opportunities, as a pilot for Pan American World Airways.

  We flew all over the world. If there was an empty seat on his plane, I was in it.    

I saw people and places I had only dreamed of. We had a sailboat and sailed the Intracoastal Waterway from Miami to Maine and back again. We lived on Jack’s apple farm in New Hampshire, with his dog, Rex and a kitten I’d gotten, Tigger and his cat, Dottie.

Most of the time, I was doing okay, but there would be the dark moods, which came, before the high mood returned. During this time, I learned to run, and the running helped me to control the darkness.

We moved five years after we married to Florida. We’d found a beautiful home, in a lovely town and everything seemed idealic. I found a Psychiatrist that I felt comfortable with. He diagnosed me with Bipolar Illness. This was the first mention of this disease affecting me. Reading up on it, I knew that this was me. Finally I knew what was wrong. This was 1996.

In 1998 Jack retired from flying and one day I sat down with Jack and said, “I want to go home to New Hampshire”.

Jack flew up, stayed with friends, and eventually found the land we built our house on. Our Florida house sold in three weeks, and we packed up and were in New Hampshire in April of 1999. Work began on the house, while we lived in our camper. With two dogs, Max and Shubi, and one cat, Tigger. It was a long process, but by Christmas of 1999, we were living in the house.

 

I was still rather unstable with my Bipolar Illness. But moving back to New Hampshire was the best thing I ever did. I found a Psychiatrist whose specialty was medications. Within six months, I was finally stable on Depakote.

It’s strange when you are stable. You never reach those wild highs and the lows are also tempered. It’s not perfect. But it is so much better than being off the medication.

Then one day recently, after Jack was home from the hospital, my cousin mentioned that I was dwelling in the dark again. Not looking at the happiness around me.

At first her words hurt me, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that she was right. So I decided to start thinking differently.

I start each day thinking positively. I look around me and see the good things in life. Not just the things that happened today, but over my lifetime. For all the difficult things I have lived through in my life, there have been a hundred times as many, that fill me with sheer joy.  I have to concentrate of living in the light. I want to hold tight to the good memories, while creating new wonderful ones. As I do this, life becomes better and better.

I do not want people to say, “Poor Maribeth, she lost her child, and then lost her mind”. I want them to say, “Wow! Look at Maribeth! She had so many challenges, and yet she chooses to live in the light!”