Ben & Jerry Are Not My Friends

Have I mentioned that I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to following the Weight Watcher’s diet?

Well, yes, seems I am a ‘stress eater’ and with all that’s been going on Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia Ice Cream, has made far too many stops at my house!

My weight really became problematic, when I no longer could zip up my pants, even with the assistance of Vaseline and pliers!

So, last Wednesday I not only returned to class, but started to act like a newbie! I stayed after class, listened to my Leader, Pam explain the program and went through all the literature again.

It’s amazing how sloppy I got. Not writing things down, sort of cheating by not writing things down and then saying on Monday, oh, I’ll be better Tuesday and then Tuesday would come and so did the ice cream container of Ben & Jerry.

I need to knuckle down, eat healthy foods and most of all…WRITE IT DOWN!

I also need to stop feeling sorry for myself, which is the main cause of my depression fueled eating.

Now, Monday will be my next operation. Dr. P.  will start working to redo my face. He will start with the bottom of my nose and work his way up. I keep telling myself to relax and not expect miracles. I know this will take a long time and I must have patience.

Just like I need with my weight loss.

So stay tuned!

Life Goes On

We started the day with no air conditioning in our bedroom. I thought we should just go out and buy a new one, but Hubby felt we needed to clean it thoroughly and all would be well.

We found mus in the evaporator and everything was clogged up, so we used the compressor to blow the crap out, and then used the hope to clean the filter.

Now the problem we have is, in this humidity, nothing is drying out! We have not been able to get it to start again…which of course means we will be sleeping with no air conditioning again tonight! That will be tough.

Hubby, me and the dogs are all in a grouchy mood today, because we did not sleep much last night in the heat!

Oy, please have that sill machine work before bed!

Mom has been moved to a rehab center now. Not that there is much they can do to rehab her, but it is sort of a stop along the road. It is close to my sister’s house and will be easier for her to go to.

Meanwhile, life goes on.

Back Home

I’m back from Connecticut. I spent time with my mom. I held her, I hugged her and kissed her. I listened to her talk about her life, I listened to her talk about those who have gone before her, and how she has missed those special people in her life.

She is not afraid to die. She has a wonderful deep belief in God, Jesus Christ and the afterlife. She knows where she is going.

I spoke with her doctors, I heard what they had to say, and although I think it is harder for some of our family to hear, mom is not going to get better. The cancer is spreading, she is getting weaker, and soon she will slip away.

My mother and I found a peace with each other. We were able to tell each other that we love each other.

It is good to be home again. The heat has been brutal, and now I am home I am sitting with my feet up, in the air conditioning with a couple of dackels around me. Yes, it’s good to be home!

Off I Go…

I’m heading to Connecticut today. Mom has taken a turn for the worse and I want to be there. She has stopped eating and it seems her kidneys are shutting down. Although she has said all she needs is my sister, I’m thinking that this is probably not true any longer. I think she does, at least, need me to come and see her again, before she starts her journey to the other side.

Even if our mother doesn’t need me, I know my sister does, so I will be going down more to be with her than anything.

It seems very sad when you realize that when she is gone Mel and I, along with my cousins, (formerly known as the kids of our family), will be the senior members of the clan. All those beloved Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents, gone from this world. And soon, Mom.

On Monday I worked like mad on Laundry, cleaning and packing. Hubby will have to manage himself and the dogs. I hate leaving them, but it’s important that I go.

I’ll be keeping you all posted.

What I Did This Past Weekend

Miss Marple 2

Our host is Gattina. Come join us and tell us what YOU did this past weekend! After all, you never know when you will need an alibi!

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The last week I simply have not slept well. Thus, all weekend, it was much the same. Me crashing late at night and then up with the dogs at the stroke of 7 AM. Have I mentioned, I am not a morning person?

Coffee and quiet has been the saving grace. Except then Sunday morning I woke to a long, hard, thunderstorm! None of the dogs would venture out, not even Fritz, who will almost always go out.

But, let’s work our way back to Saturday.

I spent most of the day running errands, doing laundry, and cleaning the kitchen area. Why is it that I cannot ever seem to get it done? I feel like I am always cleaning or doing laundry. The cooking part, I love, so no complaints there.

Around three we got a call from our next door neighbors, for a last minute cookout. With Lamb, Spanakopita and salad. You would have to be crazy (or my cousin) to turn down a meal like that! We, naturally accepted!!!

Since I hate to arrive without something in hand, I quickly whipped up a gingerbread cake. It was a new mix I was trying and all I can say is ‘WOW’! It was a mix I’d gotten at the King Arthur Museum and shop and it was fantastic! I need to get a few more boxes of that to have on hand just for this sort of last minute cake! It took me 45 minutes and  at the end of the meal half of the sheet cake was gone!

Then, as we were cleaning up two families arrived with their kids. I think there were 5 kids, but 5 kids under the age of 10 made it feel like much more! It all made me smile.

The adults also were quite interesting. A man who owns a gym in Pensacola, FL and  Erik and Ellie Weihenmayer. Erik holds the record for being the first blind man to climb Mount Everest and Mount Ararat. He has written several books and has not allowed his blindness to limit the possibilities in his life. His amazing wife, is a sweet delightful woman, who treats Erik like anyone else. I found myself feeling awkward at one point when we said good-bye, and I wish I was so cool that I could be as terrific as his wife.

Their two kids were also delightful, and I was so please to become acquainted with their entire family!

You see, it made me realize that we are the only ones capable of ‘letting ourselves down’!

The night ended very late, and since we all know my brain goes to sleep at 9:30 PM, when we got in at 11 o’clock, I was totally wiped out.

I was up early due to the hard rain storm. Once again, Hubby slept in, and I kept the dogs quiet for a while.

After Hubby woke, we did breakfast and I started the laundry part of my day and the cleaning.

Now he is getting the nets ready for the cherry trees and I am continuing to work on meals, laundry and writing. The usual!

My cousins, Janet and Dave stopped by with both Rainbow and lake trout! Yay! It will be for dinner tonight and again in a few more days. I just love fresh fish!

The week ahead will be a busy one. Hubby will be staying home with the pups, while I drive down to see my sister and my mother. I’ll also be going to a baby shower for my nephew’s and niece in law’s twin boys. They were born on May 31 at 32 weeks and are both doing well.

Have a wonderful week!

Meetings

Here is the report on my meeting with DH Hospital.

I started the meeting with the Patient Relations Man by talking about all the positive experiences I have had there. I even explained that the other doctors involved with this cancer surgery were wonderful.

Then I told him about the lack of communication, being shocked when I woke up after the first surgery and seeing my ‘Klingon Nose’, the fact the surgeon went on vacation moving my second surgery back a week, the fact that when I had difficulty understanding what he had done, and then he did not want to see me for ‘several’ months, that I was very upset.

I told the Patient Relations Man how the Physicians Assistant had gone out of the room and then she came back and said that this was correct, he didn’t want to see me for ‘several’ months.I explained that I was furious that he didn’t take the time to talk to me that day.

I showed him the pictures. The ones taken on the first day after the forehead flap. Then I showed him the ones taken before this whole thing started. I explained that I will not be going back to their doctor. That I have gotten a second opinion, in Boston and will use the Boston doctor, Dr. P. and that the Dr. P. indicated that I should never have had the forehead flap!

I stressed how happy I have always been at DH Hospital. However, this doctor was not only poor with his people skills, but has scarred me for more than likely the rest of my life. I sure hope the new doctor can do something, but I am not expecting miracles.

I got the ‘sometimes life isn’t fair’ speech, (If this man only knew how well I know that life isn’t fair!) and a firm handshake, but no real satisfaction. He did keep two of the pictures ‘supposedly’ to send to the Board of Directors, but again, I don’t know if he meant that or not.

Hubby has encouraged me to write to the Board of Directors, and include a summary of this meeting, the pictures, and my experiences.

So now I am exhausted, and I have a headache! Time for a cup of tea!

Teeth & Noses

I finally was able to go to my dentist for my bi-annual cleaning and check up. No cavities, but a crack in one old filling. So, I go on Friday to have it worked on.

The only problem is, after they cleaned my teeth my face started to throb! I can only image what Friday will bring!

When I got back home, Hubby had errands he wanted to do, so I tagged along in order to buy the dogs canned food and other perishable items for us to have in the house.

Then, finding no other TV program on (but news) and wanting to fill the air with something positive, I grabbed my copy of “Mama Mia” popped it into the DVD player, and have it on. I just love the music!

Hubby is working on the trees now that the rain has stopped and it is dead calm. I told him to go ahead as I am not really hungry for dinner, so off he went on his tractor.

Gosh how he loves that thing! Best gift I have ever given him, I think!!!

Just three weeks and I will be going in for the next surgery.

June 18 13 002

As much as I can hardly wait for this, I am also really nervous!

Deep breath! It will all be good!!!

What I Did This Past Weekend

Miss Marple 2

Our host is Gattina. Come join us and tell us what YOU did this past weekend! After all, you never know when you will need an alibi!

***************

Friday and Saturday’s posts pretty much fill you in on those days. Sunday, however, was a special day.

I woke at a nice time. Eight o’clock. Since it was Father’s Day, I made Hubby French Toast for his breakfast, before throwing on my clothes.

You see the morning news said the first half of the day would be nice, and then we would have rain.

My friend, Carolyn has a summer job as a Lake Host, so I wanted to take Greta out for a walk and go down for a visit.

Well, Greta is simply hysterical to watch during these outings! She struts her stuff as she walks, and she even lifts her back leg to wee!

When we got to the boat access she wanted a drink, and so I walked her down, but a wave came in and she jumped back a foot! She did this several times, with us laughing at her, before she realized that the lake wouldn’t get her!

On our way home we saw a cute little girl with her parents. Greta was so happy. But this adorable little child didn’t even want to pat Greta. She looked terrified! “I’m afraid of dogs”, she said. I tried to quietly tempt her, but she was truly afraid, and her parents did nothing to help her.

How sad!

I told her we would walk by again, and maybe next time she would feel a little braver. She smiled. I sure hope that is the case. I hate to see kids not have a relationship with an animal. It teaches them so much about love.

The day ended with the man who cuts the field behind our house slicing up our hose. It’s been so wet this year and sadly, he waited too long to cut, so with the hay at 6 feet his machine slid a bit and chopped up the hose.

Hubby is not amused!

Happy Monday!

My Hope…

I’m starting to get nervous about my appointment with the plastic surgical specialist on Wednesday. I know he is a nice man. A friend uses him as her doctor. I know he does good work on fixing faces after cancer surgery. Again, I have seen his work.

I think what worries me the most is that I will get in there and he will look at my face and tell me that there is nothing he can do and I will always look like this.

The stranger I see in the mirror!

It’s an odd feeling when you have something like this happen on your face. Inside you still feel like the same person, but then you catch site of yourself as you pass by a mirror or in a store window, or even when you are backing up your car.

The startling feeling inside causes you to catch your breath. To wonder who that stranger is.

I always thought that I never gave my face much thought. I never wore make-up and always felt that a smile was my best feature. A window to my soul.

Had I lost all my teeth I could always get dentures, but the scars of the surgery have made me more than aware of the fact, (that I am slowly coming to terms with), that my best days (face wise) are behind me.

Oh I hope so much that this doctor looks at me and says he can make me at least pretty. Someone who can walk around in the world, without people staring with a startled look at me.

It happened again today as I shopped. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I smiled and kept walking. I wonder, what do these people think? How can they be so cruel?

My one favor to ask of all of you out there, if you see someone like me walking around, smile at them! You will simply make their day!!!