Category: My Life

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the last couple of weeks about who I think I am. I finally had to admit that I do like the way I have always looked, and found facing myself in the mirror fairly easy to do. (It was better when I was in my twenties, but heck…)

Now I am faced (no pun intended) with having a new face to look at each day.

After my car accident I had a few scars on my face that eventually faded. I had plastic surgery on my ear, because it was nearly torn off in that accident. But in the end, this new face was something I got used to.

When I had detached retinas I found I could no longer wear my contact lenses, and I got used to wearing glasses instead.

After all, it’s more important to be able to see to live your life.

Now I will have to learn to live with a new nose. I’m guessing it will not be like my old one, and that’s okay. I think eventually your forget what once was and find that you accept the new normal.

After all, I’m still me inside here. I’m still the Maribeth that I have always been. Just the old nose will have changed.

This is me at age three. Then the next one is from Christmas. Soon we will have the after. I can hardly wait to see it.

Tuesday morning I got a call letting me know that my next plastic surgery has been delayed a week. So instead of being operated on on April 16th, I will be operated on the following week, April 23rd!

I am just so disappointed and sick about it. I’ve literally been hiding out, not going anywhere, or seeing anyone due to my freakish looks. I keep wondering what I will look like when all is said and done, and now I need to go another week before I can find out!

So here I sit. In a small puddle of tears, feeling very sorry for myself.

I wonder if doctors realize how horrible it is for people to go around looking like this?

People have said I’ve been brave about going through all of this. I don’t feel very brave right now. I feel very much like I am falling apart.

Our host is Gattina. Come join us and tell us what YOU did this past weekend! After all, you never know when you will need an alibi!

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I had hoped to be feeling more full of life and less yucky by now, but each time I look in the mirror, it makes me want to weep!

Okay, I admit it, I’m vane. I never thought I was, but apparently I am. Between my face looking like a chainsaw made road map, and my hair lying limp and un-blown dry, I really am feeling UGLY!

There I have said it. UGLY!

Feeling like this has made me extremely unproductive. About the only things I have gotten done have been meals, clean up after and yes, a much enjoyed shower.

Aside from that I’ve watched Anthony Bourdain, back to back episodes and marathon reruns of NCIS.

Our Easter dinner was a wonderful plump turkey that I bought at Thanksgiving and froze. The smell in our house right now is warm, delicious and definitely as if it was Thanksgiving all over again. I opted for the turkey for two reasons. 1. I can use leftover turkey to make a turkey pot pie and turkey soup to freeze. and 2. It helped make a lot more room in my freezer chest.

So aside from watching TV, doing a little cooking, I’ve really kept a very low profile. Probably a good thing.

And Happy April 1st! I cannot believe that is already April! Spring is here!

Okay, things are pretty weird here on my face. You all know that currently I am wearing my forehead on my nose, in an attempt to graft the skin from up there to down here.

It looks a little hinky because they left the skin attached to my brow area, so the graft has the best possible chance of growing onto my nose.

Hubby says it gives me the nose the shape of a Klingon! And worst of all is, he is probably right!

Okay, back to all the weirdness. Because the skin on my nose is really from my forehead, and still hooked up blood and nerve wise, when I put the salve on the tip of my nose to help the graft heal, I feel it on my forehead.

Yes, you read that right. I touch my nose and feel it on my forehead! Isn’t that cool?

I am still trying to figure out how I will look in the end, but I really can’t say. I’m thinking this could be life changing. I could end up with a great nose, and now with my forehead being wrinkle free, well it’s almost like getting a facelift thrown in for nothing!

There are all sorts of bright spots in this whole nose cancer thing! At least the touching my nose and feeling the forehead trick is keeping me occupied for the time being!

And…here we go!

1. If I could go anywhere on a road trip, I’d go to Alaska. Been thinking about how much fun this would be..
2. Cruelty to children and animals is something I don’t understand.
3. Easter makes me think of all the family gatherings we had over the years. So many of my dear family have passed now, but their memories linger on…
4. Quiet music and a good book (are) is the best way (s) to relax!
5. It looks like Spring will never get here.
6. Apples,l carrots, or cheese (are) is one of my favorite healthy snacks.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to reading more of my Anthony Bourdain book on Kindle (Using the super large font size), tomorrow my plans include watching a movie or two and Sunday, I want to cook a turkey for Hubby and me for Easter!

Wednesday found me reveling in my first shower since the surgery! I carefully put press and seal plastic wrap on the incision sites and then in a slow flowing shower, washed my hair and just enjoyed the feeling of running water on my body!

Afterward I put my hair back in pony tails and dressed, ready to start my day. The only thing was, I felt really tired!

My nose is doing better. I think there is less redness and swelling today. I just will be happy when they can finish up my nose and I can start looking a little more normal.

You see, just before the next surgery I’ll be going to my niece’s wedding. Oh how I am dreading being out in public looking like this. My sister and I were joking around, talking about me getting one of those wild hats like the Royals wear at their weddings in England.

The biggest thing in the next few weeks is to keep it clean, germ and infection free, so I can get in there for the next surgery.

Perhaps I should just pretend that all the stares mean that I look marvelous! A true thing of beauty! lol!

1. What are your plans for Easter? Are you cooking a big lunch or dinner? Dyeing eggs? Attending a sun rise service? Eating too much chocolate?

I have no idea. Probably just be Hubby and me. With the cancer surgery, and more surgery ahead, I simply cannot plan from one day to the next. Usually I cook a big meal, and everyone comes here. This year, I’m thinking it will probably be just Hubby and me.

2. What is something you feel too young to do?

Give up on living life. I see my mother and how she has shut herself off from the world, and I hope and pray I never do that. Life is so precious and should be lived to the fullest!

3. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…”

Of the characteristics mentioned in the biblical definition of love which do you find most difficult to live out and why?

“Love is not easily angered”. Oh, I have such a temper and I can get so mad at Hubby. Then I feel guilty about that and I try to make amends. Yeah the anger part. I think we are all human and anger is a very human emotion.

4. What’s a springtime flower you associate with your childhood?

Lilacs. I love lilacs, the looks, the scent and the feel in my hands. All so delicate. We had lilacs in my yard when I was growing up and I have had them in my yard ever since.

5. Ever sung karaoke? If so, what’s your go-to song? If not and you’re given the opportunity, would you?

Never sung Karaoke. I’m not sure what I would sing. I can sing, I do sing, just not sure what I’d sing!!!

6. What is something you keep in a basket?

Laundry!

7. When was the last time you felt foolish?

Oh dear, I am always worried I will feel foolish. You want to know when I don’t feel foolish? With Savannah! I get right down on the floor and play with her and I feel wonderful and free!!!

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Tuesday I got my stitches out. I still look pretty awful, but at least the feeling of having my skin pulled tight isn’t so bad.

In three weeks I will have my next surgery to finish and remove the flap of skin connecting my forehead to my nose. It’s rather a big deal, but I’ll be one step closer to looking like myself again.

Our host is Gattina. Come join us and tell us what YOU did this past weekend! After all, you never know when you will need an alibi!

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It’s easy to tell you what I did this past weekend. Almost nothing. Seeing as my face is literally in stitches, I’ve had to lie back in my recliner and do nothing. So, instead of recounting all that I did not do, I will tell you a few things I have thought aout.

I did not expect to have the extensive surgery that I have had. I thought I would go in, have a few snips to remove the cancer and a couple of stitches to close me up. See how small that was.

What I ended up with was losing half my nose and extensive reconstructive surgery. Call me shocked!

Life can be full of surprises, can’t it? It’s funny though because back in January when I started to think about seeing someone about the  red spot that had returned to my nose, I just had this feeling. This really bad feeling.

I managed to get the appointment with Dr. A. the cancer dermatologist, and she immediately biopsied the nose, and she told me she wanted me to have the Mohs Surgery. I wonder if she knew how extensive the cancer was, or if her experience made her suspicious?

She wanted Dr. S. to operate as soon as he could to do the Mohs Surgery, I was quickly scheduled and at that point Dr. S. explained he wanted a plastic surgery consult.

I’m still shocked that I went in expecting the best (just a few little stitches) and ended up coming out with a full face of railroad tracks!

No, I was not expecting this at all.

But here I am, recovering from the first part of the facial reconstruction. I have a feeling I will be mending for most of the year.

I’ve thought about people who had facial cancer 50 years ago, before plastic surgery was available. In this regard, I am so very lucky.

So, that was my weekend. Recovering, sleeping and watching a little TV, but not much else.

Although, my cousins Janet and Dave came up and brought a Seafood Lasagna! Oh my goodness, it was delicious! Talk about comfort food! Thank you so much, you two! I have really enjoyed it, and seeing you!!!