Category: My Life

It’s been two years since the surgery that removed the cancer from my nose. Back then I thought I would go in, have a small incision and a little plastic surgery to put me back together.

But that was not what happened. A large part of my nose was removed and skin taken from my forehead, to cover my nose with skin.

I feel the first plastic surgeon botched the job and left me quite disfigured. I was lucky to find a wonderful Australian Doctor at Brigham and Women’s Hospital who worked very hard for over 6 months to repair what was left of my face.

I cannot tell you how it felt to wake up and see myself after the surgery. From late February until July of that year, I simply thought I would forever look like I went through the windshield of my car.

Then I found Dr. P. in Boston and he told me honestly that he couldn’t make me exactly as God had, but he could certainly do his best to repair my face.

Which he did. From July 2013 until the end of November of that year I saw him every few weeks for additional surgery.

Then it was over, and I knew that I needed time to recover, and for the scars to heal.  I remember looking in the mirror and hoping that the bright red scars would fade away.

It seemed every day all I could see was the scars. I could not see anything positive in my appearance and I started to fall into a pretty deep depression.

It was like, one day waking up only to find that your face has been hacked and no longer belongs to you.

People said nice things, like, I looked great and they didn’t even notice the scars. But deep down, I knew they did. I just couldn’t see anything positive on my face.

On Saturday my cousin took a picture of me and for the first time in two years, I thought I actually looked pretty.

I think it was then I realized just how I had been seeing myself. And I knew I needed to snap out of it, and stop looking in the mirror, and perhaps start looking inside of myself, instead.

Have you ever wondered about the people in your life that are your support system? I’m lucky to have several people who can really talk me off the ledge, when my emotions get the best of me.

Most of the time, I’m fairly level, and I try hard not to let things bother me, but sometimes, something will throw me and Manic Maribeth is off and running.

My daughter, sister, cousin and certain friends, all have the ability, of helping me chill. Theirs is not an easy job, as I can over-think anything, and they must be on the ball in order to stay one step ahead of me!

I like to think that it’s creative minds, such as myself, that keep the world turning and perhaps contribute amazing things, although I am still not sure what mine is.

I know that many creative types, also have over-thinkers syndrome. Some of them, sort of go off the deep end, and then you have people like me who have worked hard to stay this side of the sanity line.

Yes, I know I am one of them.  The over thinkers, over worriers, over wondering people. Perhaps it is because I am a caring person. After all, if I didn’t care, I would not concern myself with all of this. And yet I do.

Am I overthinking this?

As I was driving home from time spent with my daughter, Mandy, I was feeling so very blessed. Mandy and I, along with my cousin, Janet and her sister in-law, Sue, went to a painting class on Saturday evening. We had a blast and although the greats like Monet and Renoir will never be challenged by me, I must say, my enjoyment, perhaps exceeded theirs.

The setting was a small river, with a cabin setting amongst the snow. It was fun to watch us all interpret the same picture in very different ways. I am also the most vocal, and critical of the four of us, so their was a lot of gasping and eeking on my part, which caused my family great laughter. I am glad. It was great to hear them laughing with me, happily!

I also spent time both before and after at Mandy and Matt’s home. I have to say that my daughters touch, as she and Matt set up their new house was all around. Mandy has such a good eye and gentle heart. I felt so comfortable, so at home. I sat there yesterday while Savannah was napping and Mandy and Matt were at the movies, feeling so proud of my daughter and Matt and the home they are making for Savannah.

I slept over, as I don’t see very well in the dark, to drive at night. I fell sleep almost instantly and slept really well, until I heard Savannah calling to her Mommy. That, was such a sweet sound. I am so thankful that I was there to hear this endearing exchange.

We went out for breakfast and shared pancakes, french toast and oatmeal. And I mentioned to Mandy that it was time for me to stop looking at my scars and start taking pictures of me with Savannah again. Life it too short. So she took this one.

Ah we are so blessed in this life. Sometimes we just need to look around us. Blessings are right there!

When I was 13 years old I went into the Hospital and had my Wisdom Teeth removed. They were impacted and a real bear to get out, thus the dental surgeon insisted that I go in for a few days. (I’m sure in this day and age, the Insurance Companies would not have allowed it, but…)

Anyway, I remember when I came to after the surgery and my face had already swollen, I could hardly open my mouth and forget about eating. Even the promises of ice cream couldn’t make me attempt it.

I was in for three days, heavily and happily medicated, and once I could at least swallow I was allowed to go home. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone going through four extractions at one time!

I’ve been trying to adapt to Windows 8.1. There is quite the learning curve, after knowing Windows XP, backwards, forward, and upside down! However, I love having a laptop that is fast, uses logical settings, and makes filing this so much easier.

I started backing up my files weekly, because I am still making mistakes and I don’t want to lose my work. Fortunately I have a new plug and play device with 1 Tera Byte of space on it and I am using that to place all my files.

My new laptop. The Asus.

I think that this would actually be fairly easy for Hubby to use. I wasn’t sure at first, as he likes Windows XP, but we all know that his laptops days are numbered and eventually he will need a new machine. I think he will be surprised at how well 8.1 works.

Meanwhile, I’m just enjoying the Asus machine, and I am happy with it. There is only one thing I would change. I would have a full size keyboard, and not a smaller one with numbers on the right side.

Something weird happened today. We were shopping and it was a little late for lunch. I felt almost like I was having a hot flash.

Then, I got:

Confused,  double vision, heart palpitations, shakiness, anxiety, sweating, and somehow I knew I needed protein and sugar.

Since I was in a grocery store I grabbed an orange juice, cheese, cookie, and then Reece’s peanut-butter cup. Then I could feel my blood sugar coming up.

However, I was totally wiped out and feeling very shaky and tired. I need to get my blood-work done on Wednesday, and then see my doctor.

The weird thing was that this is the worst episode I have had. And it took me a long time to feel better. I think I need to keep protein products close by so that I don’t crash like this again. I certainly need to speak to my doctor about it.

Friday morning I woke to find a winter wonderland outside the window. Although it was not nearly as cold, the snow sure was flying.

Now I love snow as much as the next gal, but today was our Oil delivery, and as I have previously noted, our driveway is 500 feet downhill to the house and then 500 feet uphill to the main roads.

So, I woke up Hubby and told him he had to get up, have breakfast, and then get out and snow-blow the driveway.

The oil truck won’t deliver if the drive is at all dicey. Lucky for us, the drive was cleared and the delivery was made! Yay!!!

I also had a small computer problem with my external hard drive, I thought I had lost all this information from 2006-2014. However, I was able to get into the drive and retrieve the information and pictures.

Yahoo! I will sleep better tonight!

I think we need to get little doggy boots for Arnie. The last few days, with nothing but ice and salt on the roads, we haven’t been allowing him to go for his walks with his Daddy. He is totally bereft. He lives for those walks with Hubby.

The other day when he went out and came back covered with dirt and salt. I quickly washed his feet and got him cleaned up.

Lili sprinted off today and I grabbed my ice treads and went after her. She is way faster than me, so I jumped in the car and drove up the hill to my neighbors, got her in the car and came home. Unfortunately, I twisted my back the wrong way and it is one big ouchie!

I’m thinking a hot bath might be in the cards after I watch The Big Bang Theory and Mom. Oh yeah, and time to break out the heating pad.

My new clogs arrived today and I love them. I have always used my clogs as slippers, but these are too nice to be going out in the snow in. I think I will try to find some cheap ones that I don’t care about.

As i write (8 PM on Thursday) it is already -1 degree (F). I guess it will be another cold night. Thank goodness for the three dackels! They are like hot water bottles!

Minus 14 degrees (F) this morning, here in my part of New Hampshire! When I put my pinky toes out of bed, I wanted to climb right back in. I could hear Lili in her puppy room and so I figured she probably needed to get out and do her business, despite the cold. I was correct.

The dackels reluctantly went out, and then raced back in. Too cold for little babies like them! Currently they are all cuddled under my soft blankie that my sister gave me for Christmas.

Yesterday was a good day. I went to Weight Watchers and had lost a pound and a half! Then I came home, stopping to do errands first, and in the afternoon, I made a triple batch of Cabbage Vegetable Soup, despite the fact that I really don’t like it. But Hubby loves it, so for him, I would do anything.

Today, I have only planned laundry and to clean out the cupboard under my sink. Oh yes, and to drink nice hot tea!

I sure hope January flies by. For that matter I would take February, March and the first part of April too! I want spring and summer! NOW!