Dackel Princess

Winter

A few days ago I was in Florida, with Palm Trees and green grass. Oh yes, and one heck of a tropical rainstorm! It was a welcome back sort of weather time for me, as I lived just over the bridge from Candy’s sister, Mary.

Now I am home. There is nearly four feet of snow in my back yard, paths for the dachshunds and Lili to use, and temperatures that start below zero almost every day.

Welcome home indeed!

But it is good to be home. After driving that crazy Chevy rental car, (a terrible piece of trash) I am driving my nice sturdy Highlander. The roads are not congested, (although snow covered in spots) and my life has returned to the same quiet pace that I thrive in.

I cooked my first meal at home last night. A lovely rotisserie chicken, roasted potatoes, and a Greek salad. Quite good and I know Jack was thrilled.

Super Bowl Sunday finds me making Chicken Stew and salads for dinner. Nice warm food for yet another cold day.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

Nurse Mommy

Friday morning I was looking at Anneliese just before sitting down to eat breakfast. I noticed immediately that she had something very wrong with her eye.

I noticed that she had a pitted area on her cornea. I immediately sat down and called the Vet, and made an appointment.

I feared the worst, and I am not too far off really, she does have an ulcer that has gone through two layers of her eye, but has not reached the inner portion of the eye, which would require immediate surgery.

Currently, we are on 4 medications in an intensive attempt to stop and begin to heal the ulceration on the eye.

I had to make up a chart because one medication is once a day, another is twice a day, one is 4four times a day and the other is every four hours! Eeeek! What is a Nurse Mommy to do!

So now I have made up a work sheet with all the times of the day Anneliese’s meds are scheduled and I am trying to stick to it.

However, it is really nice to be home, and with Jack and the doggies again!

Life’s Journey

Life is strange, isn’t it? One moment you are plodding along, everything is so normal that it’s almost boring.

Then one day you answer your phone and the world as you know it, changes forever.

And so it was, on the weekend right after Thanksgiving, when I answered my phone and heard Candy’s panicked voice.

She’d gone to the Walk-in Clinic for a bad cold, and as she left she was told to call her doctor on Monday

After that, her life, and the lives of all the people who love her came to a screeching halt.

Candy and her husband and their family. Especially her beloved pup, Aurora.

We all held our breath and prayed that the diagnosis was wrong. That somehow the Universe had messed this all up.

But as the days passed, it became clear that this was our new reality.

I admit to standing in my living room and swearing and crying before my trip to Florida began. I prayed that I would make it to her side in time. Things were happening so fast, I wasn’t sure if I would.

But on January 23rd, when I walked into her twin sister, Mary’s home, and knelt by her bed, I thanked God I had gotten there.

She was still able to sit and eat small amounts. Mary and I gave her anything she wanted.

We talked, we were peaceful, we held hands, and watched our favorite TV shows, like Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, The Property Brothers, (also twins!) And Love it or List It. Making comments, usually, one-word comments, during each show.

My room was next to hers and I noticed we both were sleeping with the TV on, as was Mary.

Sometimes I got up in the night just to check on her. Just to see her face.

We all held onto each other as we began the walk down this bumpy road. We tried to keep it all together, but tears flowed many times.

And then something amazing happened. We began to talk about her forthcoming death, but with no anger, no sadness, but with the love and friendship and the life we have shared all these years.

We laughed, we joked, we shared so many wonderful feelings and stories of days gone by, and told each other how we felt.

Oh my goodness, I am blessed beyond measure!

I’ve learned so much on this journey. I’ve learned how very precious life is and how we should celebrate our loved ones each and every day. Make sure to let people know how much you value their presence in your life, and never take for granted the people around you that bring you joy!

I am on the bus now on my way from Boston, Massachusetts to Concord, New Hampshire. It’s freezing cold here, but very soon I will be home with my hubby and three precious pups!

For me, my journey continues, but I hope to make it an even better life after everything Candy has taught me.

Thoughts on a Wednesday

I lived in Punta Gorda, FL for six years back in the 1990s. My first friend here was Candy. I met her at Church as we both sang in the choir. It’s funny how quickly we knew each other. It was like two souls that had been together at some other place and time, were once again reunited.

Our first couple of years Candy sat next to me and we sang together. We even sang a couple of duets. She was so good, with pitch-perfect tone and it was easy for me to follow her.

Then the last choir director left and Candy became our organist Choir Master. She was amazing. She picked wonderful hymns and knew how to work them over with the choir.

Candy and Me. Back in the day.

So, yesterday, as I drove down US 41 to US 17 and out to Arcadia, where she is now in hospice, I was recalling so much of our time together.

Most of good old Punta Gorda was washed away during Hurricane Charley, but there were many areas I still recalled. Things that had not changed.

Yet, now, as I drove out to Arcadia, I knew that everything is about to change for me, in regard to this special place.

Getting the Governmental System to allow Candy back into Hospice was not easy. It angers and frustrates me to see that a person needs to be suffering and because an i wasn’t dotted or a t crossed, things will not be done! I think the part that makes me even wilder is that while people suffer, our esteemed Government does nothing to hold the insurance companies accountable!

In any case, after several hours of talking to Nurses, Doctors and Social Workers, Candy’s sister got her back into Inpatient Hospice Care.

I’m relieved. I leave tomorrow to return to New Hampshire, and I was so worried about who would be with her during the days. Now I know she will be well cared for.

Of course, today, when I go out to Arcadia again, it will be one of my hardest days. When I leave Candy today, it will be the last time I see her in this world. I am planning for tears, and I am expecting a downtime until I can compose myself and then drive the 40 minutes back to Punta Gorda.

Life is never guaranteed. None of us know when our last day will be. This is why I believe that we must make every day count and make sure those that we love know how we feel.

Quiet Days

My day started with me groggily getting up and going in to check on my friend, Candy. It was only when I started talking that I realized that I still had my bite guard in! I guess I am used to it.

The day was overcast and cold once again, which is fine as I have some warm clothes with me.

Candy’s husband and step daughter arrived for a short visit. It was nice to see them.

And right around noon the minister from Candy’s church came with communion. I felt very emotional and I admit to crying just a bit. I am, however, so glad he came.

The home health nurse will come today. I am not sure how much she can do as Candy cannot move much.

I leave on Thursday for home and I wish I wasn’t going back right now.

This is so very hard.

This & That

Sunday was rainy, cold and slow. Although a few people stopped by to see Candy, thankfully she had a lot of time to rest.

Everyone at church signed a giant poster for her, which now adorns the wall in her room.

I worked on repacking my big suitcase and while doing so, I realized how many things I brought that I could have left at home. Next time I will pack a third of what I did!

Candy’s sister has the sweetest dog ever. He is a ten year old long haired Chihauha named Peanut! He loves pats and belly rubs and he purrs.

Isn’t he the cutest baby ever? So despite the fact I miss my crew, Peanut has kept me company!

Grateful

Life has slowed down right now. There is no rushing around, and much of the time the only sound I hear is the whooshing noise that the oxygen machine makes.

My friend’s sister and I make meals, drink coffee, and keep my darling friend, Candy as comfortable as we can.

Yesterday she asked for few things to eat and we sprung into action.

She remembered my Seafood Lasagna, so we grabbed all the ingredients for that and made it for dinner. She only ate a few bites, but she smiled the entire time.

I bought some fresh German Klosterbrot and a very fine Leberwurst, and she had small bites of that too!

Since this fabulous German Butcher Shop is so close, I also bought some Leberkase. Today I will cook a small piece for her with an egg.

We’ve told her anything she wants she can have. Seeing her smile makes it all worth it.

At first we talked quite a bit, but it’s hard for her to talk now. Mostly she sleeps.

I am just happy to be here, with her, caring for her.

I return to New Hampshire on Thursday. It will be my hardest goodbye ever.

But I am so grateful for this this time. In the years to come I will know the great love we have shared this week.

What Really Matters

I read a book once, written by Charles Krauthammer called “Things That Matter”.

I read it as he used his older articles to convey what is truly important in life.

Many people will never get it. Many people will live totally self centered lives and never know the special friendship where you give yourself totally to a loved one, during their final days

I have been blessed. Not only have I enjoyed a close and loving friendship for 25 years with my friend, but right now, I am able to be here to give her love, support, and quiet peace.

I am so thankful for this. There are times when special people pass from this life to the next and you never have the chance to tell them how special they are and how much you love them. I have been given this gift and in the quiet of her room, when she sleeps or wakes, I am here.

So what really matters in this crazy world?

Love. Selfless, pure, gentle love.

Someone wrote once if you were lucky to know a true selfless love, you were the luckiest person alive.

I have been very lucky my friends! Very lucky, indeed!