Dackel Princess

This & That

Monday was a beautiful day. I had prepared the kitchen so I could make a large quantity of spaghetti sauce, and went to the farm stand to pick up my tomatoes, only to find the farmer didn’t have my 10 pounds of tomatoes ready for me. I was pleased, actually. I picked up some freshly baked baguettes, and the rest of the vegetables I would need, and came home. Best of all, because I wasn’t cooking, I could enjoy this warm, sun filled, day!

Our apples are starting to size and we will be picking the Gala Apples in two or three days. I tasted one today, and to me it was perfect! But then, I like my apples nice and tart!

Tomorrow Jack and I go to get our eyes examined. It dawned on us, that it may have been a while, when we were sitting in our chairs watching the tennis on the TV and I said, “Jack, what is that players name?” I was squinting and could not read it at all! “I don’t know” said a squinting Jack! So we laughed, called each other old and made appointments with our eye doctor!

I’m looking forward to new glasses. Last time I got glasses, I purchased pink metal frames. What was I thinking? I have really not been happy with them. So, I think it’s back to plain gold frames for me. Since I wear them all the time, I want to make sure they are something I really like. Jack always gets the same frame. Gold aviator frames. If he ever got anything else I would not recognize him!

I’ll close with my happiness that The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child! I think it is simply marvelous that they are adding another baby to their little family. Congratulations to Will & Kate!

The Light

Recently, Jack and I were discussing a sports figure, who was assaulted during a sporting event. This person, though not badly injured, recovered fairly quickly from her injuries, but emotionally, never recovered at all. Although she returned to play once again, she retired very early on, and has become somewhat of a recluse. So very sad to see, as she was amazingly talented, and gifted, with a bright future.

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This got me thinking about my own life. I have not always been Maribeth Sunshine. In fact I have fought living in the darkness for many years. And for me to have found my way to where I am, right now, surprises even me. Let me explain.

I’m Bipolar. Okay, there I have said it. Whew! After years and years, of keeping my illness, hush-hushed, I decided to come out of the closet and share with all of you, not only the struggles of this illness, but the joy one can have when they are regulated on their medication.

If I am honest, I can say that I knew as far back as 5th grade, that something was very different inside of me.

I married early and had my children. I loved being a Mom, but even then, as they grew I found myself fighting the demons of depression. Anorexia set in and my doctor told me that this was the cause of my depression.

I was in the terrible car accident and my daughter was killed, and the depression became debilitating. It was as if I was in molasses. I could hardly move. I could not think.

Divorce was next in my life and it wasn’t a great thing to go through. I found a small apartment, a job at a local grocery store, and I started to try to learn how to live. But the depression was there. And getting worse every day.

I had known Jack for many years as a friend. He saw me pretty much abandoned by everyone and I think he also saw that emotionally I was not doing well at all. In fact I felt like I was drowning.

Our courtship was short and we married pretty quickly after our divorces came through. Jack saw that I needed to get away, and he provided many opportunities, as a pilot for Pan American World Airways.

We flew all over the world. If there was an empty seat on his plane, I was in it.

I saw people and places I had only dreamed of. We had a sailboat and sailed the Intracoastal Waterway from Miami to Maine and back again. We lived on Jack’s apple farm in New Hampshire, with his dog, Rex and a kitten I’d gotten, Tigger and his cat, Dottie.

Most of the time, I was doing okay, but there would be the dark moods, which came, before the high mood returned. During this time, I learned to run, and the running helped me to control the darkness.

We moved five years after we married to Florida. We’d found a beautiful home, in a lovely town and everything seemed idealic. I found a Psychiatrist that I felt comfortable with. He diagnosed me with Bipolar Illness. This was the first mention of this disease affecting me. Reading up on it, I knew that this was me. Finally I knew what was wrong. This was 1996.

In 1998 Jack retired from flying and one day I sat down with Jack and said, “I want to go home to New Hampshire”.

Jack flew up, stayed with friends, and eventually found the land we built our house on. Our Florida house sold in three weeks, and we packed up and were in New Hampshire in April of 1999. Work began on the house, while we lived in our camper. With two dogs, Max and Shubi, and one cat, Tigger. It was a long process, but by Christmas of 1999, we were living in the house.

I was still rather unstable with my Bipolar Illness. But moving back to New Hampshire was the best thing I ever did. I found a Psychiatrist whose specialty was medications. Within six months, I was finally stable on Depakote.

It’s strange when you are stable. You never reach those wild highs and the lows are also tempered. It’s not perfect. But it is so much better than being off the medication.

Then one day recently, after Jack was home from the hospital, my cousin mentioned that I was dwelling in the dark again. Not looking at the happiness around me.

At first her words hurt me, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that she was right. So I decided to start thinking differently.

I start each day thinking positively. I look around me and see the good things in life. Not just the things that happened today, but over my lifetime. For all the difficult things I have lived through in my life, there have been a hundred times as many, that fill me with sheer joy. I have to concentrate of living in the light. I want to hold tight to the good memories, while creating new wonderful ones. As I do this, life becomes better and better.

I do not want people to say, “Poor Maribeth, she lost her child, and then lost her mind”. I want them to say, “Wow! Look at Maribeth! She had so many challenges, and yet she chooses to live in the light!”

The Friday Five

Life is full of things to do and things that will make your life better. Here are five things I am thinking of this week.

I’ve decided I need to get out more. I tend to hibernate and become somewhat of a Hermit when I’ve faced challenges in life. After my neck surgeries this year, I sort of shut myself off. Well, not any more. Life is full of great things to do!
I found a beautiful pattern for an Afghan. It’s made with a simple crochet stitch and chunky yarn. On Thursdays, at my Library, they have a group called “The Knotty Knitters”, where people doing needle work can come, work on their projects, talk a little, and get help by more experienced knitters and crocheters.
My friend and I were talking yesterday about taking a Senior Yoga Class. Technically, I am a year short of meeting the requirement of being a Senior, but….I think I can get into the class due to my physical challenges. I just feel that Yoga will help me get some core strength back.
I’ve decided to continue with Weight Watchers and after Labor Day, actually get back to following the plan. Weight Watchers Class has always been so helpful to me for the support of my weight problem, but also an emotional support group.
One day per week, I plan to go room by room and then the basement and attic, so that throughout the winter, I will lighten my load. I want to get things organized. I want to get rid of the crap.

So these are all positive things, that I plan to do over the next year. I’m excited about the opportunities these things will provide.

Princess Diana, 20 Years Ago

Twenty years ago I was still living in Punta Gorda, Florida. Jack was off flying and I was alone with Max and Shubi our dogs. As was usual, they got me up at 5 AM, and as was usual, living in a community with strict leash laws, I pulled on my jogging clothes (still running back then) and took the two of them for a short walk.

When I got back I turned on the Satellite TV and heard the terrible news. Princess Diana had been in a horrible car crash and at first they suspected she was badly injured and then they came back telling the audience that she was dead.

I was shocked. I remember sitting there, thinking that it had to be a mistake! Certainly young, beautiful, Diana, finally free of the Royal Family, was fine and not….

But as I watched BBC News, and I saw the News Broadcasters struggling to control their own anguish, I knew it was true. Beautiful Diana, Francis Spencer, Princess of Wales was gone.

I called my Aunt in Framfield, East Sussex England and spoke to her and her sisters. They were all shocked and saddened by her passing.

The funeral overwhelmed me, and so many people. I recall crying and feeling so saddened for her sons. How would they cope without her loving, ways?

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Over the years I wondered about the Princess. I’d read the Book “Diana, Her True Story” back when it came out and at the time I remember thinking that the girl had been used. Like a lamb to slaughter. The Royals needed a virgin, to procreate and get an heir. Diana was chosen, at 19 years old for that. I was ashamed that anyone would do that.

The years passed again, and both Princes William and Harry grew up, William married the lovely Kate, and two children were born.

Then in the last two months the Princes released a loving portrait of their mother.

Recordings of Diana from Andrew Morton, her Biographer, and video tapes made with her voice coach Peter Settelen.

I watched and I listened to what Diana had to say, in her own voice. I watched her as she spoke. My heart broke for this lovely woman, who wanted only love in her life and never found it.

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Yes, I loved Princess Diana all along. I tried to mimic every new hair style she had, and even attempted the make up. I loved all the charitable work she did. And I loved how she loved her children. They were her everything. Although her life was very sad, Diana always put on a brave face, tended to her duties and gave her all.

I wish her life had been longer. I wish she had found true joy in her life. Today, on the 20th anniversary of her passing, I pray that she is finally at peace and I thank her for all she did in her short life.

What’s In A Name?

Recently I was talking with a friend about our pet’s names. When we carried our little bundles of fur home, we had worked feverishly to find just the right name for them. Often the names are rather Grand! But then, what happens over time, is that you develop silly nick-names to match their personalities. So, in honor of National Dog Day, August 26th, here are mine.

Greta’s Registered Name is: Xochil Vom Geestmoor. It’s her overly grand German, registered name. It starts with the letter X because she was from this Kennel Owner’s X litter. Well, Xochil, just didn’t seem right to me, for a tiny 8 week old German baby girl doggy. So we changed her name, (unofficially) to Greta. I’d always loved that name, and it seemed to fit her. The funny thing is, that as we were walking through the Frankfurt Airport in Germany, an old woman stopped me to admire Greta and when she asked about her name I said, “Greta“! She laughed and said, “Oh like the actress “Greta Garbo“! And at 8 weeks of life, Greta had her first nick-name. Sometimes, I will be calling her and I will jokingly say, “Miss Garbo, Paging Miss Garbo!”, the way they would have, back in the days of old Hollywood! Of course her other nick-name is “Gret-zky” after Wayne Gretzky! And the weirdest part is that she knows her nick-names and responds to them!
Arnie’s Registered Name is: ,Dackel Princess’s Arnold. He was from my first litter of German registered pups, and thus had to have a name that started with A. Arnie’s nick names include, Arnie, of course, Mr. Arnie Man, Mr Bud-er-ino and My Boyfriend! But the one we use most often is Mr. Arnie Man! It just seems to fit.
Anneliese’s Registered Name is: Dackel Princess Anneliese. She is also from my first litter of German registered pups, and thus had to have a name that began with the letter A. I’ve always loved the name Anneliese (pronounced AHN-Ah-LEE-SAH) and the first few years of her little life, I never gave her a nick-name. But as she and I got closer I started to come up with a few. Lisa, (LEE-SAH) Lisa Marie, and Miss Marie! I love it when I am playing outside with her and I call in a silly voice, “Miss Marie”!!! And she comes running toward me with her ears flying in the breeze!
Lili’s Registered Name is: Princess Lili Marlene of Noblewood. Also rather grand. She is only registered with the AKC. Since Lili’s name is rather short, she didn’t a nick-name for some time. But the girl is super high energy. She is always jumping around, like Mexican Jumping Beans. So, one day I started calling her “Lili-Beans” and it stuck. Also just plain old “Lil” But Lili also has a tonal nickname. I just change the tone of my voice to a higher pitch and call out, “Lil-EE” and no matter where she is, or what she is doing, she comes running.

Anyway, I love my doggies, and having them around is so much fun. And they take all my silliness in stride and make me feel so loved!!!

I Love You Claritin!

Picture this…a woman with a pocket full of kleenex, sneezing up a storm and coughing sidles up to the Pharmacy counter. Now she is not sick, she just has allergies. The woman coughs again, sneezes three times, before talking to the Pharmacist.

“Never had allergies like this before. I need help! What can I take that has almost no side effects, but will help me?”

She checked my medications and then said “Claritin” Just regular plain Claritin. So I bought a box to try and I hoped and prayed that it would work.

It’s been funny this year. My allergies have never been like this. Oh a little coughing and sneezing, but not like this!

How many of you suffer from seasonal allergies? I have had a little, but this year it is BIG. I can now appreciate when people have complained about their allergies.

My brother in-law especially, has had severe allergies all his life. He doesn’t complain about them much, but I have known him since I was 8 years old, I can safely say, I would recognize his sneeze anywhere!

About 2 hours after I took my very first Claritin, I noticed that my sinuses were drying up. The sneezing had been reduced, and my eyes weren’t watering as much. And last night, I actually was able to lie down in bed and I could breath!

This morning, I feel normal. No sneezing, coughing or watery eyes. I don’t feel run down or like I am on the verge of an allergic breakdown! LOL!

Now I was not paid for my opinion about Claritin. I never believed that these wonderful allergy medications actually worked, but I was desperate! Now, you can call me a grateful user.

National Dog Day

Today is National Dog Day, so here are my tales of being loved by our dogs.

Top: Arnie & Greta

Bottom: Anneliese and Lili

A year ago, my Vet told me that Greta was not doing well and she wouldn’t make it another year. Guess what? With tender love, and care, Greta, age 13 and a half, is still here and having a good life. She is quieter than she once was, but the joy she shows, each day, brings a smile to my face.

Lili, age 3 years old, is finally settling down and she has found her place in our home and hearts. Since Jack’s surgery, she now follows him all around the yard, stays right there with him, and if we whistle or call, she races to our side. She also has made a special friend. An 18 month old baby named Estella, who adores her. She stands on our neighbors balcony and calls “Lili, Lili” and Lili races up to her, stopping short and allows Estella to love her! This makes me so happy!

Anneliese age 10 and a half, is healthy and after her disagreement with Greta two years ago, Anneliese has finally found her way back into our bed. She sleeps cuddled up next to my belly and I feel so very loved! She is also sitting in my chair again and all is right in her world. She just had to learn that for always and forever, Greta is the Alpha Dog in this house!

Arnie, also 10 and a half, is Jack’s car buddy. He goes everywhere with Jack. To the bank, to McDonald’s, to the Post Office, and the Liquor Store. Everyone knows Arnie and they all adore him. I woke in the night to find Arnie cuddled up to me with his head on my pillow. He is full of jokes and fun. What a great dog boy he is!

People often tell me that they don’t like animals. I tell them that they are missing out on one of life’s greatest gifts. The ability to be loved unconditionally by an animal. My dogs are always happy to see me, whether I have been gone 5 minutes or 5 days! I am so blessed to share each and every day with these wonderful pups!

The Friday Five

The Friday Five this week is pretty much focused on the weeks events. So here goes.

The best news is that the Infectious Disease doctor released me from her service. Right now I am free of any active infection! Yay!
Our peaches were ripe and we made 3 batches of Heavenly Jam. Did it come out well! Very fresh and very yummy!
I did a little cooking. I made Beef Stew with Beer & Paprika, and I also made pulled pork. Both came out very tasty.
Today I brought Jack to the VA for his paperwork and for his appointment for his toe. The incision for the amputation has healed so nicely. But that next toe, doesn’t look so good!
Lastly, I am looking forward to a nice quiet weekend. I have no plans. Maybe I will cook some ribs.

So that is the Friday Five. I hope that you have a great weekend!

My Mom 1929 – 2013

My Mom passed away four years ago today.

Rosamond Ruth, Mom. In life, ours was a very complicated relationship. However, with her illness and then passing, so much of the bitterness was forgiven, and in the end, there was only love. Now four years later, I find many moments where I miss my Mom. I wish I could call her, and hear her voice. There were so many times where I would call her and say, “Mom, just say it’s okay” and she would, then she asked what was up. As a small child, I recall sitting in her lap and holding her hand up to my lips. Not that I was kissing it, but just having her touch me, calmed me down. She was so beautiful, and yet, I do not think she ever knew that. But just look at the picture below, taken when she was maybe 40 years old.

I remember her sitting and listening to me when I had voice lessons. I was singing in Italian, and she loved that. Me? Not so much. But I sang and she was happy.

Mom loved her family. Her pocketbook weighed a ton. Why? Because she had pictures of each and every one of us in her bag. Not just to show to other people, but more than once I caught her looking them over. She etched the faces of each and every one of us in her memory.

When Mom was dying of cancer, I got out all of the old slides. I scanned in pictures of all of her loved ones Past and present. I made up a slide show on my laptop for her, so she could revisit each one of those moments. Mel, Janet and I played it for her at the Hospice. She loved that.

Amanda brought baby Savannah down, and Mom got to see her Great-granddaughter one last time. Oh how she adored Savi, and the thought that another generation of girls in her family would go on.

The last day I was with her, she was mostly drifting in and out. At one point I thought she was asleep, and I told her all the things I wanted to say to her. I hoped she heard me, where ever she was at that moment. I told her that I loved her so much.

She spoke quietly, slowly, and softly. “I’m here. And I love you too”.

Miss you Mom.

The Friday Five

This past week has been full of many wonderful things. Plus I got a lot done. There was only one small wrinkle, and even that did not make me upset for too long, and now I can actually laugh about it. So, here goes.

I got an email announcing a big sale at Talbot’s. I love their clothes, and so I planned a shopping trip to their Outlet Store, where things are even more of a deal. I got two pairs of much needed dress pants, one pair of jeans, a dressy pencil skirt, and the cutest summer silk top and spent just over $100.00! And I look marvelous!
I had a great lunch with my friend Barbie on Wednesday. I had not seen her since she moved to Florida, but here we were talking away, like we had just seen each other yesterday! Friendships are a wonderful thing!
On my way home from the luncheon, I stopped at BJ’s for gas. I was inline and the man in front of me, decided not to pull forward to the pump in front. I do not know why, he just stopped at the first pump, got out and started to pump his gas. So, I pulled around him, and tried to get as close as possible to the pump. I even pulled forward and then backed up a couple of times. When I got out of my car to pump my gas, he came rushing toward me, screaming that I had cut in line and that I should drive around and get back in the long line that had formed. I told him that I was next in line, and I was not going to do that. I asked, “Can’t you get by me?” (He was in a very small sports car) and he yelled “Of course I can’t! Move your F…ing car!” Well, I don’t like to be sworn at and I do not like bad manners. “Sir, if you had asked me nicely, I would be more than happy to move my car forward so you can get by.” He swore again. Then I looked at his license plate and saw he was from Massachusetts. (So am I originally, so I can say this with a big smile on my face, as I know wonderful Massachusetts residents can be but also how rotten) “Oh, I know what you are, you are not a gentleman at all, you are a Mass-hole!” I did move my car up slightly and he screeched his tires as he tore out of the gas station. What a total jerk! I was annoyed back then, but I am now laughing about it! (Note to self: The man could have had an AK-47 in his car, so maybe it’s not so good to argue with a stranger at the gas station!)
Jack has another ulcer on his foot. This one is on the toe next to where the other was amputated. It’s pretty advanced. The strange part was that it came on very fast. I have now put my nurses cap back on, for more devoted care of his foot.
Today is bathing dackels day. All three of the dackels need baths. Anneliese most especially, as she is allergic to something, which causes a nasty itch and rash. I used to take them all in the shower with me, but it’s a little tough to do that now, so they are going into the sink! Rub a dub dub, a dackel in the tub!

I hope that you all have a great weekend and that you have something wonderful going on. A local farm stand is having Farm Days on Saturday and we plan to attend! I am hoping for sunshine!