Today is not an easy day. Emotionally. It was actually more chaotic yesterday with our Old Boy. We finally had to call his son, as Old Boy’s condition has deteriorated and we could no longer cope with the daily problems. We tried. We really wanted to. I think more than anything we wanted to believe that Old Boy was still competent to handle his own life. We kept trying to help him to do this, but we finally had to admit that we would get him out of one mess and he was off getting himself into another.
So, although yesterday was definitely more stressful as far as, confrontations, etc., (which we all know, I do not do well), today is such a sad day because the decisions have been made, his son is on the way and I have so many feelings racing around inside of me.
1. Guilt. I feel like some sort of Geriatric Narc. I turned him in for “being old“!
2. Guilt. Relief that the responsibility for his welfare is passing from us to his own family.
3. Sadness. That Old Boy has gotten so old so quickly. Where did the time go? Wasn’t it just the other day that Hubby and I got married and he was an Usher at the wedding?
4. Sadness. That this will probably be the last time I see him. I don’t think he is going to do well and I do know he is angry at us right now. I hate things to end this way.
5. Anger. At the fates. Don’t you just hate to watch the people you love and care about get old? It makes me angry, and sometimes even a little scared
So I’m cooking. Something I am good at doing when I am under stress. I’m making a nice Sunday dinner. Roasted chicken, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, (let’s hear it for those mind numbing carbs!) cauliflower and pumpkin pie for dessert. I’ve also got Blueberry Muffins in the oven for our breakfast tomorrow.
Old Boy is packing up his stuff. The clothes we bought him, the clothes I was able to salvage from his abandoned house. And each time he comes up into the house or goes down to the car, there is a sadness in his steps.
I’m going to be 47 in a few weeks and I hope and pray that when I reach the end, that my brain is fine and full, that I am healthy and that God is kind enough just to take me home. I sure as heck don’t want to put my daughter and step daughter through, what I am going through, and what I know Old Boy’s Son is going through.