The news, my dear friends, is very good. I will not need radiation on my nose! It is something I’d worried about since this all started, but today I learned that all is well.
I also had my head to toe check, and there are no other lesions at this time. Good, good, news!
Then I went to get my stitches out, and that was when I got the bad news.
I suppose it is not completely bad news, I mean the stitches are out, and the cancer is gone.
The bad news is that they want to wait several months before they finish my face. It means I will walk around looking like this:
for quite a while. I have never thought much about my face, but today, when a four year old little girl was frightened by my face, I admit, to dissolving into tears.
I got no good answers from the plastic surgeons, nurse practitioner. She was the one who took out my stitches. She was rather curt with me, which only made it all worse.
I wonder how long it will be, or if I will ever be able to look in the mirror and see my familiar face.
I am trying hard not to be too worried, but I am. This time I am worried for the one part of this whole process that I hadn’t considered.
My self esteem.
Right now it is in the basement!
That is great news Maribeth! But I can totally understand your mixed emotions. I would be feeling just like you. But let me assure people it´s not as bad as you think. Just be glad you are healthy and let people think what they want! Your beautiful soul will shine through. 🙂
You look ever so much better than you did. Over the next few weeks it will look better every day as things heal. But none of that is what makes you who you are. The real you shines forth from inside. I can see it and so can most people. “You are so beautiful to me, can’t you see?”
Love YOU, Mel
Maribeth you are one of the most beautiful people I know. And yes, you are beautiful on the outside but that is because the light shines from your heart. For real. When your beautiful little Savannah sees you, she sees her grandma who gives her so much love. And when your sweet little Katie jumps into your arms in heaven, it will be to her beautiful mama. That nurse practitioner needs a lesson in bedside manner and some compassion. I’ve been teaching yoga to one of the group homes I oversee and we were working this week on having unshakable trust. Have that in herself first and then extend it out to your God and others. I am sending reiki and healing energy out to one of my longest friends and a woman who has given and gives so much. I understand all to well having those self esteem issues, I don’t mean to downplay your very real feelings, just let them be what they are and feel them. And then wave goodbye to them as you look out at your garden and the beautiful world and lyour little granddaughter. Xoxoxo my friend. Michele
Try not to worry Maribeth…healing is a process and I’m sure you’re going to look more like yourself every day. I think you look great! You’ve been through a lot and no cancer!! When you’re feeling low remember that, because that’s huge!
what a beautiful comment Michele left you, and oh so true!!! Savannah’s reaction is the reaction you want, not some random child you don’t know.
Have you considered taking a yoga class? I think you would love it! And you won’t be walking around looking like that for long…as it heals, it fades <3 love you!
Oh, and as for the nurse being curt? Maybe she just got some bad news or maybe she’s just a bitch and shouldn’t be nursing anymore. Whichever, it happened, and now let it go. I am surprised tho…the nurses I had while dealing with cancer were all the most caring, kind folks. Maybe it’s because this nurse works for a plastic surgeon? I dunno.
It will heal quicker than you think. I barely put makeup on my “gash” from February and unless people know about it, they don’t even notice it. I will email you a pic of my head only 5/6 weeks after and you will see that the scar is barely visible.
As for the nurse practitioner…she needs a smack upside the head!!! She should have better bedside manners than that!
Having a healing scar on your face, which you can’t easily cover up, must be hard. Are you allowed to use makeup? Honestly, it doesn’t look half as bad as you think… actually, when I look at this picture, I just see beautiful you with some redness here and there…. who cares! The people who love you surely don’t and the most important thing is that you’re healthy!