Some Thoughts On Friendship

To My Friends

If you should die
before me, ask if you
could bring a friend.

— Stone Temple Pilots

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be
a hundred minus one day,
so I never have to live
without you.

— Winnie the Pooh

True friendship is
like sound health;
the value of it is
seldom known
until it is lost.

— Charles Caleb Colton

A real friend
is one who walks in
when the rest
of the world walks out.

Don’t
walk in front of me,
I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me,
I may not lead.
Walk beside me and
be my friend.
— Albert Camus

Continue reading “Some Thoughts On Friendship”

DNA Test…Please

Do you ever wonder if you were truly related to your parents? I ask myself this question all the time. In fact my sister and I would like to ask for a DNA test. We are that sure that they aren’t our real parents!
First of all, they are nothing like us. Mel and I are fairly happy people, who love their kids and families and actually enjoy doing things for other people. We also are never too busy to listen to another person or help them through a rough patch.
So, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when they called to offer (their form) of sympathy for my loss of Shubi. The call went something like this between my mother and me.

Mom: It’s too bad about Shubi.
Me: Yes. I feel pretty bad
Mom: I’ve been feeling pretty sick lately. Today I had a bad blood sugar attack because I forgot to eat lunch. And you know me I never forget to eat lunch.
Me: You shouldn’t do that.
Mom: Well, I was so sleepy. I don’t know why, I slept until 9 and then I fell back asleep until your father woke me up. And he is sick too. Stomach problems. (She told me more but I will not gross you out. It was bad enough that I had to listen!)
Me: Oh that’s too bad.
Mom: I was worried we wouldn’t be able to go to the dinner at church, but it looks like we will make it. I think it will be a lot of fun.
Me: That’s good.
Mom: What’s all that noise?
Me: Greta needs to go out.
Mom: I had a nice dog one time. Baby was a good dog.
Me: Yes, she was, but Shubi was very special to me.
Mom: My dog was special.
Me: Yes, well, Greta needs to go out so I’ve got to go.

Why do I expect that she will ever be able to offer any sort of loving support when I am grieving? Why do I even hope that maybe she can see a world that does not revolve around her? It always has to be about her. Her needs, her sicknesses, her life. Is it that she is truly incapable of seeing her own child’s pain?
Yep. I want that DNA test!

Weird Happenings In NH

What a strange day. I woke up this morning with the mother of all hot flashes. I’m telling you, it soaked me from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet! Then I got chills. Really strange stuff here. Three hours later, my pup Greta goes into heat. Talk about a weird coincidence!
I had planned to breed Greta at this heat, but with Shubi’s illness and Hubby’s operation I decided to put it off until next fall. In many ways it’s a good thing. I can take a little more time and find just the right mate for her.
Feeling the need for some warm comfort food, I started a pot of split pea soup last night. The peas cooked all night long in the crock pot, and then this morning I was able to blend them and add the carrots and potatoes. When I feel down or blue, warm creamy soups make me feel better. The recipe is below.

MB’s Split Pea Soup

1 lb. dried split peas, yellow or green
1/2 c. chopped onion
2 stalks celery with leaves, chopped
2 cups diced ham
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 quarts. water
1 ham bone or sm. smoked ham hock
1 bay leaf, crushed
2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
Sprinkle of crushed cloves
2 large potatoes diced
3 carrots diced
Croutons, optional
Cover peas with water add onion and celery and soak overnight in cock pot on low heat. In the morning put peas, celery and onion through blender and puree.

Add to pan the pureed pea mixture and remaining ingredients. Simmer slowly 4-6 hours or until vegetables are tender. Add croutons if desired.

Getting Back

Monday it was back to life. At least a little bit. I tried to stay productive. I did laundry, and I tried to clean up the kitchen, although looking at it now, I don’t think I did a very good job. Often I would walk into a room intent on doing something, only to find I had forgotten what it was.
I showered and dressed, and discovered my first pimple in about three years. Bright red and on my chin! You simply have to love what emotions will do to you! Ha!
I went in for my yearly mammogram, and I think I had the only technician who is literally far too fussy when it comes to how you are dressed. I used to be given one of those silly hospital gowns to wear for the exam. Sleeves, and two little ties for modesty. Not so today. This technician insists you wear this mini cape thing that hardly covers anything, and with one good gust of wind, all mystery would definitely be lost. I was glad when it was over and I could escape, and get back into all my clothes!
When I came home Fritz was in the yard, which is fairly usual. He just wanted me to let him back in the house. When I came up the stairs and opened the door…nothing. Greta was asleep, and well, Shubi wasn’t there to greet me. Right up to the end, Shubi would race to the door to greet me when I came in. It was always a big deal, whether I’d been gone 2 hours or 5 minutes. How often she met me, and made me feel so tremendously adored.
I found the negative for the sunset picture of Shubi and me, that Hubby took. I plan to bring it in and have an 8X10 print made up. That was back in the days of owning only a 35 mm camera.
I also spent a little time looking through photograph albums of the past. I saw Shubi as a puppy, as she grew and as she played. So many of those pictures made me smile. She was such a happy part of my life.

The Basics

I was productive. I made a shopping list, and then went with Greta and Fritz and Hubby to the grocery store. Upon arrival I determined I had left the list at home. That’s okay, I decided, because I am so out of it, that just getting to the store was an accomplishment.
I went slowly through the store selecting the things I needed and desperately trying to remember what I’d written down on my list. I was grateful that Hubby didn’t ask to see the list. I think he might have realized I left it at home.
We got some great produce, which pleased me, and even got a nice Swordfish steak for dinner that was on sale.
We arrived home and I lugged all the bags up the stairs and got it all put away. I made lunch, and then somehow lost the afternoon. Don’t ask me what I did, was it TV, or the computer? I am not sure, it just seemed that the next thing I knew it was time to make dinner.
I had a few people call on the phone about Shubi. I did okay with most of them (meaning I didn’t sob uncontrollably), but a few times I just lost it and could hardly swallow.
She was greatly loved.
SHMSUN.JPG
(Shubi and me at sunset)

Another Day Dawns

The sun rose and another day began, life goes on.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? When you feel so much grief, and so much sadness and you wonder how you will go on with out your best friend, another day dawns and time passes.
I lay in bed last night and didn’t sleep too much. I was thinking of the tremendous fight Shubi fought with her illnesses. She never gave up. In her short life, there were so many little miracles, and I thought, I hoped, she would find just one more.
The bed felt big and empty. Greta got in and immediately she began searching for Shubi. She sniffed and sniffed and sniffed all the places Shubi usually slept. She pawed at them, before coming back over to me and settling in between my knees.
It’s somehow shocking how big a hole such a small dog can leave.

Picture from 2002 2003 058.jpg
FOUR FEET

I have done mostly what men do,
And pushed it out of my mind;
But I can’t forget, if I wanted to,
Four-Feet trotting behind.

Day after day, the whole day through–
Wherever my road inclined–
Four-Feet said, ‘I am coming with you!’
And trotted along behind.

Now I must go by some other round–
Which I shall never find–
Some where that does not carry the sound
Of Four-Feet trotting behind.

— Rudyard Kipling —

My Girl

Shubi

December 1, 1995-February 18, 2006

June 29 008.jpg
Where do you find the words to say
all that you feel inside?
my friend, my girl has left me
and that I can’t abide

her furry face and big brown eyes
and love filled heart and soul
the magic that was in her
I will carry ’til I’m old

She touched our lives in many ways
teaching us to love and soar
she gave to us all that she had to give
never asking for any more

but now my girl has left me
and I’m crying all alone
she’s gone to better places
but I shall miss her so

Updated New Hampshire News

Shortly after noon the winds began to blow and the rain poured down. The violence of the storm was incredible. It wasn’t long before we heard a loud bang and the lights went out.
We waited a moment and then started calling the electric company. After hitting the redial button a gazillion times, I finally got through and gave the information.
It’s now 4:45 and guess what? No power. The woman I spoke with apparently never typed in the location I gave her, because Hubby tracked down an electric truck and they knew nothing about our outage. Hubby also located the pole with the blown breaker. So we got the pole number and called back. Hopefully they’ll get it this time.
Meanwhile, we are using our generator. Something we don’t often use because our lights never go out! Hubby had to really talk fast to convince me to get one a couple of years ago. Today I think he is a genious! With the generator we can, watch TV, cook meals, heat water for tea and yes, use the computer!

(later)
It’s 12:30 AM. We finally got our power back.
Shubi was very ill today. She is failing fast. I’ll be calling the Vet first thing in the morning. Our hearts are breaking. Please say a little prayer.

A Nice Day

Yesterday we decided to take the pups for a nice ride. More than almost anything in the world, Shubi loves to go for rides in the car. So, after we gave her the subcutaneous fluids, we packed up the car and headed out to see our friend Jon. He recently bought a new home and he was anxious for us to see it.
We rode along with Greta on one knee and Shubi cuddled up on my other. She used to sit up and watch the world go by. Yesterday, she just wanted to cuddle and sleep.
We arrived at our friends home and the girls came in and checked out the house. Shubi was quite animated, especially when she found a deer skin!! Suddenly she remembered that she was a dachshund, a hunter and she barked quite a bit at it!
After that she just wanted to be held, and that was just fine with me. Several hours holding my girl was just what I needed.

Feb 16 014.jpg
Feb 16 012.jpg

We stopped at the grocery store so I could pick up some baby food meats for her to eat. She would have none of that, but when we got home and I cut up some cooked steak into tiny little pieces, she ate that up with delight. I wasn’t feeling too good about it all though. She’s eaten in the past and then vomited all night. However, last night, I brought her in to bed with her little blanket, and she slept all night long! No vomiting at all!!!
I’m not kidding myself. I know how sick she is and how everything could change in a heartbeat, but for last night and today, she is doing okay. That makes me happy.
Now if this could last just a little longer, I would be a very happy lady.