The Dackel Princess

Last Moments

People think that the last lucid moments in life will somehow be prophetic. Maybe some are. But that last time Jack and I were just happily living out life was lovely for me.

I made the coffee, and upon handing him a fresh cup, he exclaimed that it was really good that morning. He said he felt good. Good and hungry. He wanted a McDonalds Big Breakfast.

After exacting a promise from him that he would not get out of his chair while I drove the three minutes to Mcdonald’s and back, I, still in my pajamas, went off to pick up my drive-through breakfasts.

I arrived back home and fixed his tray table with his food. He was quite happy and started to put the strawberry jam on his biscuit.

As I ate my breakfast, Jack sort of slumped to the left. I thought Lili and Heidi might be getting spoiled, and I asked Jack if he was feeding them. There was no answer.

It was at that moment that I realized that Jack had gone. Thirty-five years of marriage and 85 years in his life.

He lingered from that day, July 3rd, until July 6th. He never woke up. He never opened those beautiful blue eyes. The machines made noises, but I knew he was gone.

Ah. The last 35+ years have gone by so fast. I look over, and I see your empty chair. It’s only been a few days, and it seems so long since we had our lazy morning coffee chats. Rest well, Jack.

Jack

We spent the day with Jack yesterday. The days feel long, and you keep hoping that Jack will open his eyes, start laughing and sit up to tell you it was all a joke.

But it isn’t a joke, and he hasn’t shown any improvement. I was sitting there yesterday looking at him. In all our years together, he has never been this quiet. Jack used to tease me about being a chatterbox, but we made a good team!

Jack isn’t getting better. The doctor told me that my Jack is gone. If he wakes he would need years in a recovery hospital and even then he would most likely never be my Jack again.

I am praying that God will reach down and bring Jack home.

And So It Goes ~Jack

Jack is seriously ill. On Monday the 3rd, Jack slumped over in his seat. He’s been passing out for a few weeks. Usually, he woke up quickly, but I could not revive him this time, so I called 911. They rushed here, and he was almost gone. He had a massive heart attack in our driveway in the ambulance. Then he coded twice more on his way to the hospital. They put him on a Vent and sent him to Concord Hospital, where they discovered a rather large Pulmonary Embolism. They operated, but now we are waiting to see if he has good brain function.
I’m exhausted, but doing what I can. I sit in Jack’s ICU room and just talk about all the good times.
I got the paperwork from the safe and presented it. At this point, if he codes again, they need to let him go. It’s what he wanted.

You think you are ready, but when this type of illness happens, you find out that you aren’t ready.

New Things

I’ve been trying to unwind during this time of Jack’s ill health. I have found walking Lili and Heidi and watching them play brings down my blood pressure and puts me in a much better place.

During the worst part of Jack’s health problems in the last two weeks, I watched the dogs to see how they managed it.

Lili did her sniff tests of the Police and EMS, and once they passed that, she watched as they took care of her Daddy but seemed comforted that he was getting help. Lili is so gentle and loving. And she sure is Daddy’s girl.

I wasn’t sure what Heidi would do, as this was the first time she had come in contact with the Police and EMS. She did great. She met them at the door with her tail sticking straight up. Oh, I love watching her when she trots along completely on duty!

I must say, both dogs were completely protective of Jack when he passed out. They knew things were not correct, and they went to his aid.

After all the craziness, I tried to calm down and sleep or nap. Lili guarded the house, and Heidi crawled into my lap and guarded me. Animals know so much more than we give them credit for.

The Friday Five ~June 30th

It’s begun. I suppose I knew all along that it would, but is anyone really prepared? Oh well, here we go, this week’s Friday Five.

When I married Jack, he was 49, and I was 29. He was full of life and planned so much for us to do together.
We ran 10k road races, we sailed the ocean blue, we climbed Mount Washington, and we traveled and saw so much of England, Scotland, Germany, Italy, and France, and all seemed right in our world. Newlyweds. We laughed, we smiled, and life was very good.
Jack flew out the remaining years of his career as a pilot, first with Pan Am and the last with Delta. We traveled everywhere and saw so much.
When Jack retired, we moved back to New Hampshire. We built a lovely home which we have lived in since 1999.
The slowdown came faster than I thought. He became an expert napper, and, little by little, he just stopped doing things. In the last 12 years, he occasionally fainted. Recently it has been a true passing out. The recovery comes much slower, and there are times it takes a while for him to be fully awake. He has had 3 of these in the last nine days. He is not eating or drinking much. And as much as the doctors want him to be in the hospital, he refuses to go.

+ So here we are. Getting close to the end. I never thought it would go by this fast.

The Friday Five ~ Plus One ~ June 23rd

The last two weeks have been rather crazy for me I will try to put down the top 5, but really there could be a dozen more happenings here. I will try to keep it down but this may become a Friday Five plus…

My mammogram showed a 6 mm mass that was not there a year ago, or two years ago…I had further testing, and the doctors seem to think I can be followed up in six months, but I am very uncomfortable with this. My Mom had breast cancer, and well I am always convinced that I have one foot in the grave. I’m going to talk to my Primary Care Doctor and get her opinion. It just doesn’t seem right.
I have a failing root-canaled crown. I’m going in August for dental surgery. Since I am a big chicken and a dental-phobe, I am really not looking forward to all this. But it must be done. Here comes the hit to my checkbook.
Lili had her teeth cleaned. They were also able to give her a full physical.Lili is truly, “Leaping Lili” which makes it hard to examine her. She is 75 healthy and happy pounds!
Jack wasn’t feeling too well this week and he gave me quite a scare. I’d gone out to walk the girls before bed and I came back in to find him passed out on the floor! He roused quickly, but he was deadweight for me to try to lift. I tried to use my head to figure out a way to lift him up and after a good 30-plus minutes I was able to get him in a chair and I got out his walker. I finally got him in his recliner, walked the dogs again and collapsed onto my recliner, and fell asleep.
My goal today is to do some grooming on Heidi. She looks a bit shaggy right now. I’ll take some before and after pictures. Hopefully, she will be cooperative.

Plus 1. I got my hair layered today. Back to curls. It’s a little shorter and easier to handle. Right now I feel overwhelmed with a lot of things. My hair was something I can take care of easily.

And have a wonderful weekend!

Memories of Katie

My daughter Kathleen “Katie” Alynne.

Born November 8, 1978, ~ Died June 19, 1985

Father’s Day ~ The Men In My Life

Here are the five men, who shaped my life. In their own ways, they were my father or a father figure to me. They have all passed from this life to the next, but their memory and the love they gave me, live on in my heart

My Dad. He was an amazingly talented musician and he passed along his love of music to me. Dad was devoted to our community. He played the organ at both the Congregational Church and the Catholic Church in North Falmouth.

He was the Music Director at Highfield Theater for many years. He also was a summer police officer in our town. And when we went to local parks for cook-outs, Dad was the burger meister! He has been gone a long time now, but I still think of him often and miss his wry sense of humor.

My Uncle George. He was the father who taught me everything growing up. How to swim, how to dive, how to bowl, how to hike, how to play cards, and how to love unconditionally.

When I was about 7 years old I cut my toe badly at the beach and he carried me all the way home! And helped Mom drive me to the doctor’s office for stitches. He was not a loud man, but in his quiet loving way, I just knew that I was one of his special kids.

Uncle George and me at my wedding to Jack.

In fact, when Jack and I married, Uncle George walked me down the aisle. I miss this sweet, loving, wonderful man!

My Uncle Bob. He was fun to be with. But, he required that I act like a mini adult too. That was fine. I adored him and just wanted to spend time, quiet time, with him.

I did a lot of things with him and his wife, Aunt Cynthia. I remember being on his boat, or when they took me to their home in Quincy and to museums. And I recall my Uncle once got a monkey. Cute, but it didn’t last for long.

My Papa Fred. Another quiet man, who was quite old when I lived with him and Grandma. But he showed me something important.

What real love between a man and a woman was all about. I would watch Papa and Grandma sitting on their sofa watching Lawrence Welk. Papa would hold Grandma’s feet in his lap and stroke them gently. He simply adored Grandma and had all of his life. He no longer had the will to live when she died and passed eight months later.

My Papa Sam, my Dad’s Dad. I didn’t know him as well, but I remember him taking me to the Prudential Building in the summer to listen to the Barbershop Quartets sing.

I remember sitting on his lap and listening to him sing along. He had such a beautiful voice.

These 5 men helped to shape the woman I grew up to become. Each is special in their own way, and now, each is greatly missed.

Happy Father’s Day! I remember you all with love and many memories that make me smile!

Memories

Kathleen Alynne Hayden
November 1978 – June 1985

This bright, beautiful little girl came into my life at the stroke of 5:29 AM on November 8th of 1978. She was a happy child with apple cheeks and bright red curls and green eyes. She loved yogurt, the Smurfs, and her toy Gizmo and playing Barbie dolls with her sister. She loved animals and people and nature.
Katie was a great kid. One that you enjoyed being with just because she enjoyed being with you. The last time we spoke to each other, the last words she said to me were, “I love you so much, Mommy!” I smiled and told her, “I love you too, Katie”.

And then she was gone.

On June 13th, 1985 an impaired (stoned) man driving a 5-ton truck blew a red stop light and ran over our car. In 11 seconds it was all over, and in 11 seconds, our lives changed forever.

It’s hard to believe that 38 years have passed. It seems like just the other day that she was with me. Some days I can still hear her voice and the memory of her touch is so clear. And other days it’s like a dream. A wonderful dream that turned into a nightmare.

So today, I honor my child.

I will always love you, Katie. I will always miss you. You will be, forever, in my heart.

The Friday Five ~ June 9th

Do you ever have a week where you are so busy driving great distances, that by the end of the week, all you want to do is close your eyes and put up your feet? Well, that was this week for me. I have one last event today, but that is some relaxation for me, as I get my hair done. So without further adieu, here is this week’s Friday Five.

This was the week of tests and doctor’s appointments. I drove to Laconia (not bad), then to Manchester on Tuesday, and then drove over to Vermont and back on Wednesday. I woke on Thursday, tossed everything in the car (crate, Heidi, picnic lunch, and Jack), and off to Manchester we went again.
My appointment Monday needs further testing. Ugh. It means next Thursday I will need to drive to Concord.
Tuesday found us going over to Vermont for a follow-up on Jack’s Kidney Stone. Guess what? He has another one!
While Jack was having a test I walked all around the VA parking area. I encouraged Heidi to make friends and be a bit more open. She did great.
Thursday we got the results of some of Jack’s tests. Not much can be done for an 85-year-old.

Well, that was the week that was. I sure am glad that it is over! Have a great weekend everyone!